Say Something
by Ksanral
Summary: After a weird dream he couldn't shake off, Sawamura finds himself to have to dealing with first - first confession, first kiss, first date, and so on... It doesn't help that the other is Miyuki...
1. Chapter 1

"Sawamura."

The moment he heard his name, he knew something was very very wrong. He turned to face the other boy, readying himself for the worst. Was he going to tell him he wasn't in the first string anymore? Did he do so badly in the last game? Did he do bad enough to be _kicked out of the team_?

"What's wrong, Miyuki?" he asked with a sigh.

"I talked to the coach." Said the other, no sign of his typical smirk. Sawamura was more than worried.

"A-about what?" choking on his own words.

"He agreed to choose you as new Captain when I graduate."

Sawamura was so shocked he found himself at a loss of words. He just looked at Miyuki, waiting for his vicious laugh to make fun of him. But it didn't happen. There was only a small but genuine smile on Miyuki's lips.

"You asked him to choose _me_?"

Now that made Miyuki laugh. "Yes."

"Why? You despise me! You spent two years making fun of me every time you had the chance!" Sawamura didn't know why he felt so angry.

"You're so dense, Sawamura." Said the other, bitterly.

"See!? That's what I mean!"

"You're the perfect candidate! You're already doing the job. Your spirit is leading and cheering everyone already. You just need me to get out of your way!"

"I—I don't—"

Miyuki laughed again, louder this time. He was enjoying the moment.

"I still don't understand why. I mean, you hate me!"

"We despise what we can't get."

Sawamura looked even more confused. Miyuki couldn't help but laugh even more. Fortunately the corridor was empty.

"What do you mean?" Sawamura asked with that tone of his that made him look like a child.

Miyuki sighed, "I like you, you idiot! I liked you since the first day I met you. I figured you didn't feel the same, so I spared myself of the humiliation and pain of a confession. But now, I'm going to graduate. I have nothing to lose. I'm in love with you, Sawamura Eijun."

Sawamura woke up screaming. The dream still vivid in front of his eyes. Kuramochi murmured something that sounded like "Shut up" and continue to sleep. Sawamura was panting, why was he so affected by a dream? It was just a dream! And what was that about Miyuki being Captain? Yuki-senpai was the captain, and it would be at least another year and a half before Miyuki's graduation. It was just a weird dream.

Sawamura tried to find another comfortable position and to fall back asleep, but he failed. With a resigned sigh he got up and walked silently out of the room. The chill night air shook slowly away all the remnant of the dream, while Sawamura walked around the dorms clearing his head.

When he was totally sure it was far behind him, he went back to his room and fell back to sleep. When the alarm went off in the morning, he didn't even remember that unsettling dream.

The day passed by uneventful, as usual, until it was time for the afternoon practice. Since the day was hot, Furuya couldn't practise outside and Sawamura was placed with Miyuki. The moment he found himself in front of the catcher, the dream flashed back into his mind.

"_I'm in love with you"_

He was so distracted he couldn't pitch properly; Miyuki had to pull some stunts to catch the ball and couldn't even bring himself to tease the pitcher.

"Sawamura, what the hell? _I'm in love with you._ Let's call it a day."

Sawamura couldn't believe what he heard. Was he still dreaming? Did Miyuki find out somehow about the dream and was now kidding him? That bastard. He didn't realize he was so angry.

"What did you just say?" he yelled at the catcher.

"I said you're not pitching well. Let's call it a day!" and after a pause he heard _"I'm in love with you"._

Now he understood that Miyuki didn't say it, but his mind was playing tricks on him. Why was it happening?

"One more, please!" he asked and bowed to the catcher, which was unusual.

Miyuki sighed and went back to position. "Just one."

"_I'm in love with you."_

"_I'm in love with you."_

"_I'm in love with you."_

Sawamura pitched with all his might to push away that echo. But he did it so wildly the ball changed direction and hit Miyuki's mask, causing the catcher to fall backwards.

"Kaz—" _Kazuya_? Since when were they on a first name basis? "Miyuki?" Sawamura corrected himself while running towards the catcher. "Are you alright? I'm sorry!"

The other boy was already sitting up when Sawamura reached him. "Oh-Ah. Hey Sawamura, I didn't know you had a twin! Does he play baseball too?" he said, clearly dazed.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Sawamura chanted, feeling guilty. If he was a bit more focused on the other he would have noticed the half-hidden grin on his face.

"I think I need help. Would you carry me to the changing room?"

"Yosh!" said Sawamura and immediately helped the catcher to stand and proceeded to carry him.

Once inside Miyuki removed his helmet and struggled with his clothes. "Can you undress me, Sawamura?"

"W-What?" eyes open in surprise, Sawamura didn't know if he heard it or if he was completely losing his mind.

"Too much?" asked the other, the devilish smirk on his lips once again. The confused look Sawamura gave him made him laugh so hard he had to sit down and grab his sides.

"You should have seen your face!" Miyuki managed to say, short of breath.

"What? You're not hurt?" Finally Sawamura seemed to connect the dots.

Miyuki was still laughing but he explained, "We wear the mask for that exact purpose. You were acting so strangely that I took the advantage of your humble behaviour!"

"Miyuki, you bastard!" Sawamura shouted and walked angrily out of the room. The echo of Miyuki's laugh followed him even after the door was closed.

The day after nothing happened. It was hotter than before and once again Sawamura was paired with Miyuki, and even though he was still distracted he managed not to hit the catcher in the face. When he went to sleep that night exhausted for the extra running laps he did, he almost thought that everything was going to be okay. He probably jinxed it. As soon as he fell asleep he found himself in the dream.

It was like it didn't even stop. Miyuki was looking at him, the last sentence he said still hanging in the air. Sawamura was sure it became a nightmare now. The difference was that a part of him knew it was a dream, but he couldn't stop himself for dreaming it.

"Sawamura say something." Miyuki almost pleaded and Sawamura was shocked to see this side of him, even if his mind probably just made it up.

"What do you want me to say? I never thought about people in that way. I've always been too concentrated on baseball. It's all that matter to me. But it's true that I decided to come to Seidou after I met you. And it's probably true that if it wasn't for you I would have chosen another school, closer to home. Since that first day you were the one I wanted to stand beside. I wanted to look at you as your equal. Even though you're an annoying bastard." The nightmare in all this was that Sawamura felt like both his dream self and his real self were saying those words.

"Sawamura…" Miyuki sounded speechless. Sawamura couldn't look directly at him, for some unknown reason. "Eijun, look at me." the catcher's voice was soft and gentle, but Sawamura shook his head vigorously.

"Listen. I said what I had to say. I just want to wake up now and forget about all this!" he almost screamed and somehow he managed to actually wake up.

The room was still dark, he tried to reach for his phone but his eyes were unfocused. He rubbed them, and to his surprise he found them wet. Was he crying!? No, probably just sweat. It was so frustrating. Why was he having those dreams? And why the words he said sounded true? Why did he sound like he felt something for Miyuki? He decided to go for a run and shake off everything. After it he wasn't going to think about it ever again, he swore to himself.

The following day he avoided Miyuki at all costs. He asked every available person in the team to catch for him, even Haruichi. Rumours about the small prank Miyuki did spread, so everyone thought he was avoiding him because of that.

But he started to avoid him also every day after that. He was careful to time his meals in the cafeteria, at practice he ran around with his tire or there was always someone else catching for him. Furuya came back to regular training so it became less of a problem. Except that Sawamura wasn't enjoying his time at Seidou anymore.

When finally Sunday came and they could rest, Sawamura was planning to relax all day. It was obvious, however, that someone – Kuramochi – was against him. He had to change his plan of staying in bed all day and had to migrate somewhere else. He thought that no one would be in the cafeteria and he also considered finding something to eat in the process. When he got in, he found the place empty. The cool air inside was exactly what he wanted, and the quietness was already starting to work its magic.

He walked to the kitchen, feeling lucky. He was going to find some pudding, and maybe he was going to bring some to Masuko later. It was going to be the perfect day, he knew it. Well, maybe he didn't know so well. When he stepped into the kitchen he saw that someone else was already there. And not just anyone, no, of course, it had to be Miyuki.

"What the hell are you doing?" he screamed, suddenly angry.

Miyuki didn't see him at first and was caught off guard, and jumped a little. "What?"

"What are you doing here!" Sawamura repeated.

The catcher looked confused. "I'm baking, isn't it obvious?" he remarked showing his hands covered in flour.

"Why?" Sawamura was close to be hysterical.

All the thoughts he had about Miyuki, being with him, kissing him and even worse pushed back from the corner of his mind where he thought he buried them.

"What's the matter with you?"

"Am I still sleeping?"

"How could I know that? You're pretty much the same as always, so I guessed not. Do you usually sleepwalk?" He answered with a shrug, focusing back to baking, uninterested.

"That's something you would say in one of my dreams."

"You dream about me?" Miyuki smirked, his eyes brightening behind the glasses.

"W–What?" Sawamura realized it wasn't a dream, probably, and that he was cornered.

"You said I talked in your dreams. It must mean that you had a dream about me."

"It was a nightmare." Sawamura mumbled, hoping the other couldn't hear him.

"Is that why you avoided me all the week?" Miyuki hinted.

"The world doesn't revolve around you, Miyuki." Sawamura was so tired now, he almost lost all his will to continue fighting.

"Doesn't it? Man, you're killing me, Sawamura! It's way too early in the morning to tell me something so devastating." He answered sarcastically, and laughed.

"I'm going to leave Seidou." the pitcher blurted out and stopped the other's laugh midway.

"What did you just say?" Miyuki couldn't believe what he heard.

"I didn't mean to say it out loud." Sawamura looked confused, and suddenly sad. All his energy drained, his shoulders hunched.

"Come here. Help me with this." Said the other, pointing at the vegetables on the table. "Cut them in small cubes. Can you do it?"

"Yes, I used to help back at home." Sawamura dragged his feet closer to the table. Miyuki smiled a little at the resigned tone.

They stayed silent for a while. Miyuki kept preparing the dough, looking at Sawamura from time to time, but he didn't say anything even if the cubes were not cubes at all, and they were way too big for what he was making. He was quite concerned actually; Sawamura was always so full of energy and he seemed very happy since he arrived to Seidou.

When they both finished, Miyuki sighed and prepared himself for what looked like a very difficult conversation.

"So, why do you want to quit the team?" he asked, putting the pie in the oven to avoid making eye contact.

"What are you baking?" Sawamura dodged the question with another.

"A pie. Answer me."

"I come here because I wanted to test my skills, and I feel like I'm not doing it anymore."

"Is it because the game we lost the other day?"

"No, it wasn't the first game I lost"

"I know. Then, why?" Miyuki enquired.

"I had some troublesome thoughts."

"Thoughts about what?"

"Stuff." Sawamura shrugged.

It was weird to talk about it with Miyuki, since he was part of the problem. And it was also weird that his heart was pounding so hard. Maybe it was just the touchy topic, but a part of him had a feeling there was more to it.

"You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to." Miyuki replied, "You and Kominato seem pretty close, maybe you could talk to him." he suggested.

"I don't want to talk with Harucchi!" exclaimed, suddenly blushing.

"You can talk to Furuya, then. He will totally ignore you, but they say it helps to say it out loud." That made Sawamura smiled a little.

"I will die before letting him know that I want to quit!" he clenched his fist.

"Okay, that leaves two options. You can keep it to yourself and quit, or you can talk to me and maybe we'll figure something out."

It was odd to see Miyuki so serious. It reminded Sawamura of his dream, and that vulnerability he showed. He didn't know why he was opening up to him, all the anger he felt for a week long washed away mysteriously.

"Until recently, I thought I decided to come here because, after that day, I thought that playing with you would help me grow." he didn't specify what day or if "you" meant just Miyuki or the team, but at this point he didn't care what the other assumed.

"And then those thoughts of yours made you change your mind?" Miyuki asked, even if he knew the answer.

"Yes."

"They have to be some serious thoughts – here, put the vegetables here – to make you give up so easily."

"I'm not giving up!" he shouted and sent some of the vegetables on the floor. "I'm sorry." he mumbled.

"It's alright, we have enough." now was Miyuki turn to shrug.

"I'm not giving up!" Sawamura remarked.

"Well, excuse me if I am so blunt, but it seems to me that you're not even trying to solve the problem. You're just taking the easy way out." Sawamura was about to interrupt him but Miyuki silenced him and continued. "If you were on the mound and you were to pitch the ball that would settle the game, would you ask for a change of pitcher, or would you try it with all your might?"

Sawamura stayed quiet for a while, both of them knew the answer, he probably just needed to hear it from someone.

Miyuki sighed. "Why don't you tell me what you were thinking."

It took Sawamura a while to find the resolve to answer. "I had some dreams."

"Come on, Sawamura, you have to give more than that! Dreams about what?" the catcher joked.

"About you…" his voice was so soft it was barely audible.

If the situation was less serious Miyuki would have laugh. "What did I do in these dreams?" he said instead.

"Yousaidyouwereinlovewithme" Sawamura talked so fast that the words melted together. "Don't be the usual bastard now!" he added.

Miyuki was about to make a witty remark, but the tears in Sawamura's eyes froze him. He never saw the pitcher so distraught; even after losing a game he usually didn't stay sad for long. He didn't know what to say, but he knew he had to say something. "Is that why you hit me in the face?" he was joking, but he wasn't mean as he usually would, he was just trying to lighten the mood.

Sawamura laughed, but he didn't felt it inside. "Yes, I totally did it to shout your loud mouth." he answered. "I had more than one dream."

"And you couldn't stand my presence so you ignored me." it wasn't a question, Miyuki knew.

"I couldn't stop thinking about what we said in those dreams. About what _I_ said." Sawamura was torturing his hands now, unable to look at the other.

"What did you say?" Miyuki asked gently.

"It all felt so right. I don't know. It made me think." he said making no sense but to himself. "What if I didn't come here only to _play_ with you? What if I came to_ be_ with you?"

"Okay, now you lost me. Didn't you say that _I _confessed my love to you in your dreams?" Miyuki was confused, this was out of his league.

"Yes, you did." Sawamura answered, and he looked like he forgot for a moment that Miyuki was there.

"So why do you think you want to be with me? It looks like you are the one in love." He didn't mean to tease him, but it probably sounded like he was.

"Because maybe I am!" shouted the other, tears now streaming down his flushed cheeks.

"Because you came here after we paired up against Azuma?" Miyuki asked, trying not to say any wrong words.

"Yes. I decided to accept the invitation from Seidou because of you, M–Miyuki." he confessed. "I thought it was just because you were, you are, an amazing player. But maybe it was because… I don't know. I never thought about boys or girls, just baseball. I have no idea what I'm supposed to feel, or what love feels like. How do I know if I'm in love with you?" he didn't stop crying and he didn't look at Miyuki even once.

"I–I actually don't know." it was uncommon to see Miyuki at a loss of words, but love wasn't his field of expertise.

"See, I have to leave the team. I can't spend my days thinking about you, avoiding you, or dreaming about you, instead of baseball. I wanted to be the ace." and then he sobbed. As if it was some kind of deadly sin, he put both his hands on his mouth, but the sound already escaped.

Miyuki didn't know what to do. He felt the urge to touch Sawamura, but it didn't feel right, seeing the situation. "Have you ever thought about...you know?" he found himself unable to say the words. He felt embarrassed.

"About what?" Sawamura's voice was barely audible. He was also shaking.

Miyuki shook his head in disbelief. "You're such an idiot!" he murmured. "Kissing, about kissing. Or something else!" he added, louder. If Sawamura looked up I could see Miyuki blushing.

Sawamura's eyes were open wide in surprise. "I–I–I don't know. I mean, no. Yes, I mean yes." He was so embarrassed he couldn't speak properly. He took a deep breath, like he used to do before a pitch. "After the dreams, I admit I did it quite a lot. Before, I don't actually remember."

"What did you feel when you thought about it?" Miyuki enquired, without mockery.

"Honestly? I don't know. I'm so confused right now, that I don't trust myself anymore."

Sawamura wasn't looking up, so he didn't see Miyuki coming closer to him. Since he was looking at his own feet, he couldn't see Miyuki's hand raising to his face and touching it. He looked up, surprised, and found the catcher just a couple of inches away from him.

"Mi–Miyuki?" he mumbled, fighting the urge to get away without knowing exactly why. The other didn't answer, he got even closer, stopping when their lips brushed together and giving Sawamura a last chance to pull away. But Sawamura didn't want to escape, he was the one who closed the distance and awkwardly kissed the other.

He felt Miyuki smile and panicked. Was he mocking him? Did he like it? How could he? He didn't know what to do, he moved a bit, trying to figure out what was he supposed to do and bumped into Miyuki's glasses with his nose. Miyuki chuckled. He was totally making fun of him.

Sawamura was about to get away, but Miyuki's other hand went on his hip and pulled him closer, making their bodies collide.

He softly licked his bottom lip, pushing for him to open his mouth and deepen the kiss. What did he have to do? Did he want to let Miyuki's tongue inside? Why the catcher was kissing him? He was terrified, but he admitted to himself that it felt good. He probably took too much time thinking and Miyuki became impatient because instead of softly licking he bit his lip. Sawamura moaned, surprised that he didn't feel pain, but pleasure.

Miyuki chuckled again, and Sawamura felt a rush of adrenaline and pushed his tongue inside the other's mouth. Miyuki was caught off guard, but he recovered pretty soon, and took control of the kiss. Sawamura was overwhelmed by emotions that were bubbling inside, and couldn't think straight anymore. It was ten times better than what he thought, and Miyuki was, well, he didn't have words for that at the moment.

His head felt light, and he supposed he was going to need air sooner or later, but right now only the kiss existed. He didn't even notice that his hands were gripping Miyuki's shirt so tight his knuckles whitened.

When Miyuki pulled away to breath, Sawamura instinctively pulled him closer again, trying to kiss him again.

"Easy, Tiger!" the catcher laughed, panting. "Let me breath!"

Sawamura blushed and diverted his eyes away.

"S–Sorry. I—" he had to stop and catch his breath before he could continue. His left hand now unconsciously pressed against his pounding heart. "I just… I just didn't want to stop."

"It's alright." Miyuki moved his hand under Sawamura's chin to make eye contact. "So, I guessed you liked it." he grinned.

"Don't you start, you bastard!" the other say, but without the usual fighting spirit.

"Is that how you treat your very helpful senpai? I just agreed to this test, and all I get is you calling me a bastard?"

Sawamura's face suddenly paled. "Whydidyodothat?" he blurted incomprehensibly.

"What?"

"Why did you do it? You are not the helpful senpai you're saying you are. Why did you let me try it? Why did you carry it out? Was it to make fun of me later with the team?" He exploded. He wanted to get away, take some distance, but Miyuki's grip on his waist didn't let him do it.

The catcher didn't answer, he closed the distance again and kissed him lightly, to shut him up. He gulped before talking.

"I know I'm not kind, or easy to deal with. But I'm not that mean. Yes, I take advantage of some situations and make jokes. That's just because I don't know how else to be around people. I would never make fun of you because of what just happened."

"You still didn't say why you did it. And why were you laughing at some point?"

"Well, I was laughing because you were so stiff it was kind of difficult to kiss you!" he laughed again. "And I did it because I wanted to do it."

"It was my first kiss! Of course I was _stiff_!"

Miyuki's smile was brighter than Sawamura had ever seen. "What now, are you going to make a joke?"

"No, not at all. Do you like me?" the catcher asked bluntly, his cheeks strangely red.

"I think so." Sawamura shrugged and looked away again, blushing even more than the other.

"Well, it's probably my turn to be honest. I let this happen, because I wanted it to. I _hoped_ it could happen."

"What?"

Miyuki sighed. Sometimes Sawamura just couldn't get it. "I went through the same thoughts you're having now, just sooner."

Sawamura's eyes opened wide in surprise. He was speechless.

Miyuki smiled. "I never thought of quitting, though. I wanted to be in the same team as you, no matter if you didn't feel the same. I didn't want to make a move anyway."

"Why?"

Miyuki couldn't help but laugh at the clueless pitcher. "Because I dropped hints here and there since you came to Seidou, but you didn't seem to get it."

Flashes of memories passed through Sawamura's mind. All the time Miyuki patted him or hugged him – just him not the rest of the team – and how warm he felt inside because of that contact. Some of the jokes he made. Now he fully understood it. Miyuki was a subtle person, he never let out his true self completely, or his intentions for what it mattered.

"I'm sorry, I guess…"

"You don't have to apologise. I know already you are an idiot!" he teased.

"I am not!" Sawamura tried again to get away but now both Miyuki's hands were on his hips and he was holding him close.

"Yes, you are. You are_ my_ idiot."

Sawamura stopped struggling when he heard words he thought could never come from Miyuki.

"What are you saying, Miyuki?" he asked ingenuously, but a glint in his eyes revealed he just wanted to hear it.

Miyuki shook his head. "Unbelievable! You're so cocky. I'm not going to say it again!"

"Yes, you are."

"And why is that?"

Sawamura's lips were suddenly close to Miyuki's ear, "Because you're not going to kiss me again, otherwise." and he lightly bit his earlobe.

Miyuki stiffened, surprised. "What was that?" he asked when the other moved away with a satisfied grin on his face. "Wasn't it your first kiss? Weren't you so afraid you wanted to quit the team just a minute ago? Where all this boldness comes from?"

It was Sawamura's turn to laugh now. "You should have seen your face!"

"That's not the point!"

"You're right. The point is that now I know how to shut you up!" Sawamura's laughed again.

"That goes both ways." said the other with a dangerous look, before kissing him again, angrily.

Sawamura was taken aback, but, he soon adjusted and tried to follow the other's lead. He was pushed against the counter. Soon Miyuki's hands started to roam all over his chest and back, teasing on the waistband of his jeans. It didn't take long for Sawamura to feel his erection growing.

He briefly wonder if Miyuki was feeling so aroused too, but he couldn't finish the thought that the catcher pressed his body against him and he didn't have to wonder anymore.

He was panting hard, he completely forgot he had hands and could do something with them. He was about to ask Miyuki to do something more, because he was going to explode, he knew it, but he felt Miyuki smile and thought he understood. He probably did, but instead of unbutton his trousers, for example, he completely interrupted every contact – bodies, lips, and tongues.

"W–W–Wow" he mumbled. "W–Why d–did y–you stop?" he complained, still short of breath.

"Punishment." Miyuki managed to say without looking too shaken up.

"Remind me not to get on your wrong side, next time."

Miyuki chuckled. "Where's the fun in that?"

"You're such a bastard." said Sawamura shaking his head, "This relationship is going to be so hard."

"Relationship? Are we in a relationship?"

"We should clean up." Sawamura's face was burning red, he turned around to hide it, pretending to search something to clean the table.

Miyuki, oddly enough, didn't say anything, just smiled and helped him.

When the timer rang Miyuki briefly took the pie out of the oven, and suddenly grabbed Sawamura's hand. "Come with me." he said, but refused to answer any of Sawamura's questions.

Was he going to try something dirty? Was he angry because he said "relationship"?, Sawamura worried. In the end he didn't need to be afraid. Miyuki just dragged him in the bullpen.

"Are we going to practise?" he asked suspiciously.

"Yes, we are. You expected me to drag you in my room and jump on you, didn't you?" he chuckled amused.

"Well, that or some angry retort because I said the R word." that made Miyuki laugh.

"You lost a week of training because you're an idiot. I won't date anyone who doesn't try his best to become the ace."

"It was all your fault not mine! You invaded my dreams!" then he realized Miyuki's words "Are we going to date?" he exclaimed, a mix happiness and anxiety stirred inside him.

"It depends on how you pitch today!"

"Aargh! You're not going to make it easy, are you, Kaz—? Can I call you Kazuya?"

"Not until our first date and not around the others." he snickered.

"Are you even serious?"

"You're the one who fell for me, now you have to deal with it!"

"And I'm the idiot! Tsk!"

"Just pitch, Eijun!"

"Don't call me Eijun!" Sawamura roared.

Miyuki's laugh echoed through the empty field.


	2. Chapter 2

It's been a week since the kind-of-mutual confession, but it didn't seem like it. They were kept busy by a practice game they all took way too seriously; they didn't have time to talk about it, or to kiss again. They didn't stay in the same room alone, not even once, and except for a few exchange about Sawamura's pitching, they didn't talk at all.

It was like that Sunday never happened, and Sawamura wondered if it had been all a fluke. But he had a plan. A perfect plan, the best plan he ever had. He just needed to catch the catcher alone. Nothing had ever been that easy.

"Miyuki Kazuya!" he yelled in the middle of the cafeteria, during breakfast, pointing his finger at the catcher on the other side of the room.

It was too early however for his teammates to hear Sawamura yelling, and he didn't miss the murderous glaring they gave him and, with a nervous laugh, he got closer to Miyuki.

The catcher was sitting with the usual group, but it wasn't a problem for Sawamura, he had everything figured out already.

"You have to catch for me tonight, after practice!" he said, struggling to keep his tone town.

"I can't." was the only, flat answer he got. Miyuki didn't turn to look at him, but continue eating.

"But you have to! I need to improve after yesterday game!" he continued.

"Your pitching was above average yesterday. You don't need extra training."

"That's not true!" he didn't want to get more obvious, not in front of everyone. Wasn't it clear that he wanted to be alone with him? He looked at Miyuki to try to convey his thought with his eyes, to make him understand, but when their eyes met he saw the glint of amusement in the catcher's. He was doing it on purpose.

"Anyway, I can't."

"He can't" echoed Kuramochi "We're watching a movie tonight. Horror. You're coming too."

"I don't quite like horror movies." Sawamura tried to tell.

"That's why you're coming." he grinned back. They were thinking he was afraid. He was going to let them think it. He just needed to adjust his plan.

When he went to Miyuki's room – the usual setting for the evening hangouts – Sawamura tried to find a place close to the catcher, hoping he could whisper what he had to do and settle the situation. Unfortunately, Miyuki seemed to think very differently because he was on the opposite side of the room, surrounded by people and there wasn't an inch free for Sawamura to sit. He didn't even look at him when he entered the room.

He had to admit that even if he was a bit bothered by Miyuki's behaviour, he enjoyed the night. They really thought he was afraid of horror movies. Little did they know that his friends at home tried to "cure" him by making him watch every single one on DVD. Now, he knew exactly where to watch, what it meant when the music changed, and what kind of ghost/monster/creature/serial killer was going to appear on screen.

He spent the night laughing so much it hurt, while everyone else was frightened – apparently it was a very scary movie –, and he laughed even more because of that. When the movie finished everyone was so shaken up, they went immediately to bed, even though they were sure they weren't going to sleep much.

He was carried out by the crowd of people leaving Miyuki's room, but that was okay, everything was going accordingly to his plan.

He waited in his room for Masuko and Kuramochi to fall asleep. It took so long, – damn that movie! – was Miyuki still awake? Or was he sleeping too? Was it safe now to go out or were they still up?

When he couldn't wait anymore, he silently stood, got out of the room, and walked to Miyuki's. He stopped uncertain before finding his resolve to knock.

He was surprised when Miyuki opened just a couple of seconds later.

"I figured it was you." the catcher said coldly.

Sawamura was taken aback by the tone and couldn't answer.

"Come in, if you have to." Miyuki added, moving away from the door, carelessly.

Sawamura entered, suddenly nervous. Why did Miyuki looked so crossed? He was sure he didn't do anything to make him angry.

"I'm sorry if I woke you up." he said politely, to break the ice.

"You didn't. What do you want, Sawamura?" he asked the other harshly.

"Well..."

"I don't have time for your mumbling. Either you tell me or you don't."

Sawamura felt hurt. It wasn't easy for him to do what he wanted. Why couldn't Miyuki give him a second to gather his thoughts?

Sawamura took a deep breath e hold out two tickets. "There's a game tomorrow. I think it is your favourite team. I overheard a conversation you had with Kuramochi once. It's not like I eavesdropped or anything, you were just close to me, it was inevitable!" he said all at once, "I did some research on the Internet... It says that for the first date you should choose something you're comfortable with, but also something the other person is comfortable with. We both like baseball and it's your favourite team, so —" he stopped abruptly, blushing. He knew he had the tendency to talk too much when he was nervous, but it was going out of his hand. And, more importantly, he missed Miyuki's reaction.

He looked at him now, and saw that his cold features gentled down a bit, and a genuine smile was blooming on his lips. _Lips he really really wanted to..._ No, let's not talk about that.

"I thought you didn't like _watching_ baseball." he commented. Was he _embarrassed? _No, _pleased_ was the correct word.

"I don't." he looked away and blushed.

Miyuki stayed silent for so long that he forced Sawamura to look up at him.

"Okay."

_Okay_. Did he really say okay? Was he really going on a date with Miyuki? Sawamura wondered back in his bed, turning and turning around every few seconds, searching for a comfortable position he wasn't about to find. He was replaying the scene in his mind over and over again. Something was still off with Miyuki's behaviour, but he didn't want to think about that, he wanted to think about the 'okay' that made his heart race.

In the end he managed to sleep for a couple of hours, and when he woke up it was barely dawn. He knew he wasn't going to sleep anymore, so he decided to go for a run and clear his mind.

He tried to stop thinking about it, but he found out he couldn't. He tried, then, to think about the facts.

He was going on a date. It wasn't his first date ever, but it was with Miyuki, and Miyuki was probably going to be Miyuki, he'd better prepare for the worst.

They agreed to meet in front of the stadium at 3pm. He didn't know how to go there – not that he'd said that to Miyuki – he just needed to leave early and everything was going to be fine.

Now it was around 6am, which meant that after the run he had to take a quick bath and go. He could do it by 8.30, that'd work.

He already chose what to wear. He didn't need to impress Miyuki, he knew that, but he wanted to be, well, _attractive. _But he also chose his good luck shirt, because he thought he needed it.

So after the run, the bath, and dressing up, he hurried out because it was already 8.35 and he was surely going to be late. Everyone was still sleeping, so he didn't worry about being seen or questioned. He took the bus just outside the school, panicking because he wasn't sure it was the right one. He asked the driver, but still unsure he asked three other passengers.

At the train station, he checked the timetables every other second to be sure about the train, that's why he managed to take it just at the last moment, and for the entire ride, he was sure he was going in the wrong direction.

It turned out it was. He only figured when he asked one of the passengers twenty minutes after the train left. He had to get down, sweating way too much for his taste, and wait half an hour to being able to take a train that took him as close as possible. Then he had to take another, barely remembering the right station, so when the speaker announced it he had to run out.

He wasn't used to the chaos of Tokyo, so he found himself pretty scared. He didn't know how to get to the stadium, so he was panicking, no matter that he thought so before. His heart was pounding, his eyesight was unfocused, he was standing in the middle of the station, with all the people rushing around him, not one person stopped to help him. He felt his eyes sting, he was going to cry, he knew it. He was going to see Miyuki with his eyes red and swollen, his shirt patched with sweat, smelling. And Miyuki was rightly going to turn his back to him and leave him, after a good laugh of course.

"He's so out of my league." he murmured to himself, getting more and more depressed.

He was going to give up, get back to Seidou – if he could actually find the right train – when he saw the big "?" of the information centre, and realized he could ask them. Fortunately the lady at the front desk was used to tourists who didn't know exactly what to ask, so she could understand where Sawamura needed to go even if he didn't remember the name of the stadium.

With tears in his eyes he finally moved away from the station, took the first bus – asking again three times –, then the second one written on the piece of paper the lady gave him, and managed to arrive. With all the mistakes he made, the desperation at the station and all the rest, he arrived at 12.30, he still had time to relax a bit, and maybe to find something to eat, since he didn't have anything before leaving and all the misadventures made him angry.

That was his big mistake. He walked for a bit to find a place he liked, and then he spent time deciding within all the delicacies and lost track of time. When he looked up at the clock on the wall, it was ten minutes to three already.

He ran out of the diner, then came back in because he forgot to pay, ran out again and went in the wrong direction. When he arrived back at the stadium he didn't take him long to find Miyuki, he was the one emanating a murderous aura. Sawamura was fool enough to go near him anyway.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry" he started to chant when he was sure Miyuki could hear him and continued even when he stopped in front of the catcher.

"I was about to go in." Miyuki said, his icy tone scared Sawamura even more "You are twenty–five minutes late."

"Actually, I arrived here at noon, but I went to eat something and lost track of time." he rushed his explanation, but it was clear Miyuki didn't care.

The catcher had turned his back and was walking towards the entrance. Sawamura had to hurry after him, repeating "I'm sorry" over and over.

When they found their seats, Miyuki still hadn't said a word. Sawamura told him his misadventures, admitting he didn't want to ask him how to go to the stadium, but Miyuki didn't seem to listen. He was closely watching the two teams talking in the dugouts.

"Please, can you say something?" Sawamura mumbled, pulling slightly at Miyuki's sleeve, but not looking at him.

"Why?"

"Because it's supposed to be a date."

"People arrive on time, if the date's important to them" was the cold answer Miyuki gave him.

"It is important to me!" Sawamura's tone rose. "I am nervous alright? I didn't go on that many dates before, and certainly not with someone like you!"

That got Miyuki's attention, "What does that mean? Someone like what exactly?"

"Demanding." Sawamura pouted.

Miyuki laughed at last and put Sawamura at ease. "You're such an idiot! We are on a date, you should compliment me, not insult me!"

"You're the one calling me an idiot! And I will _never _compliment you!"

They were going to continue if it wasn't for the speaker announcing the beginning of the game. Sawamura soon started to shout his comments – "Are you playing catch!?", "And you call yourself a pitcher!?", "I can hit it ten times better!", and so on – but Miyuki was too busy laughing, chest on his knees, arms tight over his belly, to do anything about it. Actually, he missed half of the game because his eyes were closed or tearing. And when people around them started to tell Sawamura to shut up, he laughed even more.

When the game finished they went for a milkshake. They didn't get lost because Miyuki didn't have a problem navigating through Tokyo, even though Sawamura tried to pull him in the wrong direction a couple of times because he was "sure it's that way".

"Let's play a game." said the catcher once they were seating and had ordered. The grin on his lips told Sawamura that it was going to be a dangerous one.

"What kind of game?"

"Honest fifteen minutes!"

"Never heard of it." Sawamura's face was doubtful.

"That's because I just invented it, idiot."

"So how do we play?" he knew that he was going to regret it, but he still felt guilty for being late, and if he was to be honest with himself, a bit curious too.

"For the next fifteen minutes we answer honestly to every question the other asks. No matter how embarrassing, shameful or gross."

"G–Got it." Sawamura gulped.

"I'll start." and without waiting for Sawamura to agree, he asked "Have you ever being on a date before?"

Sawamura sighed, it was a safe question, he thought. "Yes. I was in the first year of middle school. You?"

"Yes of course. Was it a girl or a boy?"

"A girl. You?"

"But you never kissed anyone before, right?" Miyuki ignored the question.

"No, not before you. That date didn't go so well." he said, looking a bit embarrassed.

"Why?"

"Because I tried to hold her hand, but mine was sweating and she was grossed out."

Miyuki couldn't help but laugh out loud, while the waiter arrived to give them their milkshakes.

"How many relationship have you been in?" Sawamura asked taking advantage of the laugh, knowing Miyuki couldn't ignore it this time.

"You mean serious or just for fun?"

"Both." something was wrong in his stomach, he felt it tightening.

"I don't know. More than five, probably."

Sawamura didn't know what to say, so he drank a sip of the milkshake. Miyuki grinned.

"Have you ever masturbated while thinking about me?"

Sawamura choke, his eyes widened full of shame. He had to cough for a full minutes before looking at Miyuki in dread.

"You have to answer." Miyuki chanted.

"No, no, no!" Sawamura shook his head.

"Have you ever masturbated at least?"

"Yes!" he blurted, blushing all over his face.

"Okay, so have you ever thought about me _that way_?" Miyuki asked, he was enjoying his embarrassment.

"What? No!" Sawamura blushed even more, down to his neck. He looked around to see if he could easily escape. Why did he agree on playing? Oh right, he didn't.

"Never?"

"No! I–I thought about kissing and maybe touching you, but not _there_, I mean in general, but nothing more." he managed to say without stutter too much. All hope of fleeing away vanished when he noticed that Miyuki was between him and the door.

"Would it bother you if I did?"

"Did what?" like it wasn't obvious enough, but for some weird reason he had to hear it. Something stirred in his stomach, but he thought it was just embarrassment.

"Masturbate _and_ think about you."

"N–N–No. I don't think so."

But he was clearly still uncomfortable and Miyuki took pity on him, smiling fondly. "So, you like horror movies, I noticed."

"No, not particularly." Sawamura answered, relieved by the change of topic. He could literally feel the red on his face fading away.

"But you're not afraid. I thought you would run out of the room after five seconds yesterday. Instead, you laughed a lot, even when we were all scared."

"That's because horror movies are too predictable!" he exclaim, regaining some of his usual spirit.

"Why is that?" Miyuki seemed to truly enjoy the conversation.

"If you know where to watch, and notice the change in the soundtrack, you'd know when the ghost would appear way ahead!" he exclaimed, smiling at last.

"That explains it." commented the other.

"Can I ask you another question?" dared Sawamura, just glancing at him. He waited all day to do it, and that was the best moment.

"Yes, it's still honest fifteen minutes."

"Why were you angry yesterday?"

"Who is Wakana?" Miyuki asked instead abruptly.

"A teammate from home." Sawamura shrugged, not understanding why he asked it.

"Just a teammate?"

"Yes, why?"

"Then why Kuramochi says she's your girlfriend?" Miyuki sounded angry again.

"She is not!" a glint of understanding in his eyes now.

"Why does he say that?" he repeated.

"Because he thinks she is. Even though he wants her number, and probably more…"

"And she's not?"

"How many times do I have to tell you? I don't have a girlfriend."

"She's the one you went on a date with, isn't she?"

"Ew, that's gross! No! She's my best friend!"

"Listen, I just want to be clear. I don't like to share." Miyuki said, looking serious and dangerous.

"And I don't like you being a jealous asshole for no reason!"

"So I could be jealous if there was a reason?" the catcher ask, a smirk on his face and a more relaxed stance.

Sawamura laughed. "Yes, I think you could."

"But she's not your girlfriend."

"Miyuki, shut up!"

"Make me!" he laughed.

He didn't expect Sawamura to take him literally and lean over the table to plant a quick kiss on his lips. He sat back then, with a satisfied grin because of Miyuki's stunned face.

"Is that why you were angry yesterday? You thought I had a girlfriend at wanted to play with you?"

"Honest fifteen minutes is over. I don't have to answer." the catcher pouted, looking away, his arms crossed over his chest, like a child.

"That's enough of an answer for me."

Soon after, they decided to go out for a walk, since it was still early and neither of them wanted to go back yet.

Silence fell and, even if it wasn't awkward, Sawamura found himself still nervous. Question upon question were running on his mind, he wanted to ask them, but honest fifteen minutes were over and Miyuki would probably laugh at him. What were they to each other now? Boyfriends? He didn't particularly like that word. Where they on a relationship anyway? Miyuki didn't look like someone who took relationships seriously, and he had been with a lot of people, how could he keep up with them? And what were all those questions about _that thing_? Was that what Miyuki wanted from him? If so, did _he_ want it too?

"Oi, partner, you can hold my hand if you want," Miyuki interrupted his train of thoughts "I don't care if it's sweating. Mine is too." he added, offering his hand with a strangely shy smile.

Sawamura looked at him, surprised. Then he nodded and he wiped his hand on his jeans before taking Miyuki's.

"What were you thinking?" asked the catcher.

"I wasn't!"

"Yes, you were. You always have that face when you think."

"What face?" Sawamura asked, raising his tone.

Miyuki laughed. "You look really concentrated."

"Oh."

"So, what were you thinking?"

If just seconds ago he wanted to ask all the questions he had, now that he had the chance he didn't know if he wanted anymore. He liked that warmth passing through Miyuki's hand to his and spreading through all his body. For the moment, he didn't need answers.

"It doesn't matter. What do you want to do?" he asked instead, unable to stop a smile.

Miyuki sighed. "I'm fine just walking around. I don't know this part of the city."

And they did walk around, hand in hand talking about stupid things, trying to find out more about each other – What's your favourite colour? Your favourite food? Your favourite movie? Your favourite everything?

After a while they stopped at a ramen restaurant because Sawamura was hungry and insisted to stop, but was Miyuki the one who ate the most. By the time they finished, it was time to go back.

On the train – there was one without any change after all – Miyuki put his arm around Sawamura's shoulders the moment they sat down, and Sawamura let him. The warmth of Miyuki's body close to his and his arm touching him made him sleepy. He unconsciously rested his head on the catcher's shoulder and felt him tense for a second, then sigh. He smiled happily.

He was about to fall asleep when he heard his voice speaking without his command.

"I'm scared." he whispered.

"About what?" Miyuki sounded surprised; he must have thought he was already asleep.

"Being with you."

"What? Why?" this time he was more than surprised.

Why was his voice speaking? He didn't want to admit it. He didn't want Miyuki to know. Shut up, voice, shut up!

"Because I don't know anything about relationships."

"We'll learn."

Sawamura was too sleepy to wonder about the 'we'. "Am I good at kissing?"

Miyuki laughed lightly. "I think you were. I'll tell you after the next one though."

"Do you want just sex from me?"

"No. No, I want something more."

He seemed sincere, Sawamura decided. "What do you like about me? What if I'm not good enough?"

"What if you just sleep now?"

"Okay." he answered sheepishly.

They stayed silent for a while, and Sawamura felt he was falling asleep. He also felt, well, safe, with Miyuki holding him like that. He liked it, more than he imagined. He didn't care anymore if people on the train were staring at them, or judging them. He was happy, he was smiling, and he fell asleep.

"I'm scared too." he imagined – or heard? – Miyuki saying.

The next thing he remember was Miyuki not so gently waking him up because they were almost at their stop.

They had to take a bus to arrive at the school, but they didn't touch each other anymore. They didn't hold hands when they were walking, the school buildings looming over them. Sawamura assumed that their relationship was going to be a secret for the moment, but strangely enough it didn't bother him. Honestly he wasn't ready to talk about it, he was still figuring it out, and he didn't want to "share" Miyuki yet.

When they were in front of Miyuki's room, Sawamura hesitated. There was no one around and he'd really like to kiss his _partner _– he liked that word –, but he didn't know if Miyuki was going to let him or if someone was going to appear out of nowhere.

"It was fun. We should do it again." Miyuki said, the usual annoying grin back on his face.

"I agree." Sawamura answered half-heartedly, still trying to restrain himself.

"Goodnight, then." the catcher added, as he motioned to open the door.

"Goodnight." Sawamura kissed him on a cheek, blushing.

He turned around – he didn't want to see Miyuki's expression – and started to walk towards his door.

"Eijun."

Sawamura stopped midway and turned, his heart pounding so loud he was sure Miyuki could hear it.

"I left at 9 this morning, by the way." that was all, he got into his room and closed the door.

Sawamura stayed there for more than a couple of seconds. He felt a big, stupid smile making its way from ear to ear. He liked the way his name sounded when Miyuki said it. He wanted to hear it more and more.

He walked a bit unsteady, almost drunkenly, and realised what Miyuki said only when his hand was on the door's handle. He left just after him to meet him six hours later. _Was he nervous too?_

* * *

I know it took me really long to finish this chapter, but I have four big exams this week and I needed to study. For some unknown reason, I only write at night, but this days I'm always too tired.

Also, I think this story will have a total of 4 chapter, but the next one will take long too **SPOILERS **because I never wrote a sex scene before, not even in my native language, and I don't really know if I can **/SPOILERS **so I don't really know when I'll update. Thank you for reading this one (and the previous)! Hope you enjoyed it!


	3. Chapter 3

Note: this chapter is a bit explicit. If you are uncomfortable with that, you can read up to _"Sawamura drew lazy circles on his arms and stroked his hair absent-mindedly." _

It is also a bit angsty (I think), so again if you don't like that stop reading at the same point.

* * *

He was looking at his hand extended in front of his eyes. Not that there was something wrong with it. It was his left hand, the hand that defined him as a pitcher, here used to merely shadow his eyes from the light.

Another set of fingers appeared in his vision, interlacing with his own. He couldn't help but smile.

"Can we turn the light off?" he asked annoyed.

"I like to watch you" Miyuki could say cheesy – and a bit creepy – things like that without sounding cheesy – or creepy – but making his inside flip.

"I know, but…" he didn't have to continue, Miyuki had already got up with a sigh.

"Talk or I'll step on you." he said when the light was off.

"You won't step on me, I'm not even in your way!" Sawamura answered.

Miyuki laughed and found its way back on the floor, next to him. They held hands and stayed silent. That was their new habit. They met at night, stayed like that, on the floor, with just a pillow under their heads. Sometimes they talked, but most of the time they just enjoyed each other presence.

It was then, in the dark, that Sawamura could let go of his anxiety and truly feel happy. At a certain point he would turn on his side, and rest his head on Miyuki's chest, his hand on the other's heart, feeling it beat, and he would let Miyuki embrace him, and draw meaningless signs on his arm and back. He would truly enjoy Miyuki's even breath on his head and the occasional kiss he would plant on his forehead.

And then, when he would be about to drift into sleep, Miyuki would sigh and call his name.

"Eijun. You should go now." he would say with a kind of sad tone that made Sawamura want to hold him closer.

He knew, however, that he couldn't spend the entire night in Miyuki's room and he needed indeed to go back and sleep properly in his own bed. He would turn his head, then, and kiss Miyuki's chin, and then softly his lips. He would get up and hurry out of the room, before he could change his mind and stay forever.

Sneaking out at night had become easy for Sawamura in the last days. That particular night, however he found a surprise when he headed back to his room. Light was creeping out of the door, someone was up.

Masuko and Kuramochi were waiting for him, grave expressions on their faces.

"Sit down, Sawamura-chan." said Masuko the moment he entered the room.

He did without saying a word. He never saw Kuramochi with a serious face before. Did they know already? Was it that big of a problem if he was dating Miyuki? It didn't affect his pitching, he thought. Were they upset he didn't tell them?

"We are your teammates, Sawamura-chan." Masuko continued.

"Y-Yes?"

"We are your roommates."

"Yes."

"Is it because we are your senpai?" Kuramochi inferred.

"What?" Sawamura was lost. Why any of that should matter? He felt guilty nonetheless.

"If you have a problem, you can talk to us." Masuko said. "You can trust us, as much as you do on the field."

"I know that…"

"What's the problem, then?" Kuramochi asked.

"I don't have a problem."

"How's your training lately?" he ignored the answer.

"Good, I guess. Miyuki says I'm an idiot, so I guess everything is fine." he had to suppress a smile when he mentioned Miyuki.

"Did Wakana dump you?"

"She's not my girlfriend!" he exclaimed exasperated.

"You confessed to someone and you were rejected then?"

"Kuramochi-senpai!" he blushed, for some reason.

"Did you?"

"No! No!"

"So, if baseball is not your problem, and neither is some love matter, what is it?" Masuko asked.

"I don't have a problem!" Sawamura chanted. Was it possible that is wasn't about Miyuki, that for some other reason they were concerned about him?

"Why are you going out at night, then?" So that was it. They noticed.

"I go running—" he started, but then realised he didn't look like someone who just ran, "o-or walking, it depends." he added.

"Why?"

He shrugged. "I feel the pressure, okay? I know I'm not at your level yet. I need to train more and more and more. I'd need to train even more than that if I want to become the ace. When I go to bed I think about all of this and I can't sleep. Running or walking for a while helps me to relax." it wasn't exactly a lie. Except he didn't go running, the rest was true. And being with Miyuki helped him relax.

"Is that so?"

"Yes. But if it is a problem for you, I won't do it anymore. I don't want to wake you up or anything." If that was the case he needed to find another way to be with Miyuki, but it was fine. He was touched by his senpai's worries.

"It's fine, Sawamura-chan. If you need it, you can do it." Masuko said.

"But if you have a problem, you should talk to us, okay?" Kuramochi added, but didn't let him answer that he locked him in a headlock.

"O-Okay! O-Okay!" he struggled to breath.

The following afternoon Sawamura was running around the field, when suddenly Miyuki was beside him.

"W-what are you doing?" he asked alarmed, looking around to see if someone had come to the wrong conclusion.

"I was late at practice. I have to run." was the half-hearted answer.

"Yesterday night Kuramochi and Masuko-senpai were waiting for me, when I got back." he whispered so low that it was difficult even for Miyuki to hear him.

"So you told them." the catcher sounded disappointed.

"No!" Sawamura exclaimed louder this time, before continuing to whisper "I told them I went running." he said and explained what happened the night before.

When he finished, he couldn't help but notice that Miyuki looked relieved. Was it so important for him that no one knew? Was he ashamed?

"Anyway, why were you late?" he asked, changing topic for his own sake.

"It's your fault actually." grinned the other.

"Wait, what?"

Miyuki laughed. "I was thinking about you and I fell asleep after lunch."

Sawamura blushed. He didn't understand how Miyuki could say things like that without being embarrassed. Probably he enjoyed watching a blushing and speechless Sawamura.

"I-it's… It's n-not my fault!" he managed to say and made Miyuki laugh some more.

They stayed silent for a while after that, just concentrating on running.

"Do you want to pitch for a while?" Miyuki asked in a shy voice when they finished.

Sawamura was taken aback by the proposal, usually he had to beg Miyuki to catch for him.

"Why? Is there something wrong?" he asked doubtful. Maybe the other was just kidding.

"No, there's nothing wrong. I'd tell you if there was."

"Do you want something?"

"Yes, I want to do something nice for you." said the catcher in a small voice, red colouring his cheeks.

Sawamura smiled, there was indeed something that could embarrass him after all. "Okay."

And so he did pitch for a while. Miyuki didn't even criticised him too much, he limited himself to quiet suggestions and small corrections.

He was about to ask for more, but Miyuki stopped him before he could. "Last one! I don't want to be the last in the bathroom." Indeed it was true that everyone else already left.

Sawamura protested a bit, but he was already helping him with his gear. They collected all the stuff they used and headed to the supply shed.

Once they were in, Miyuki closed the door and took away the box Sawamura was holding. He pushed him against the door, the handle in the small of his back hurt, but he didn't make a sound. Miyuki had his hands on either side of Sawamura's head, he was looking down so his hair was tingling Sawamura's nose. But the thing that made him suddenly very afraid was that Miyuki was shaking really bad.

"M-Miyuki?"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" Miyuki said in a whisper.

He didn't let him time to ask for an explanation that he was kissing him hard. His mouth opened in surprise and gave unconsciously better access to Miyuki. He was kissing him like it was the end of the world, and even though Sawamura was still startled, he soon gave up every hesitation and adjusted to the ravenous rhythm Miyuki imposed. His right hand entangled itself in Miyuki's hair, pulling a bit too hard, he guessed, but the catcher didn't seem to mind. The left hand instead was around the other's back, fidgeting to get under his shirt.

When he started to pull him closer, Miyuki resisted and abruptly stopped kissing him.

"I'm so so sorry." he murmured before shoving him to a side and running out of the room.

It took a minute to Sawamura to get himself together, but when he did it was too late, Miyuki was nowhere to be found. He looked for him in the bathroom but he wasn't there, he knocked on his door but he didn't answer, and he wasn't at dinner later.

That night Sawamura didn't sneak out to go to him, he stayed in his bed, awake all night, trying in vain to understand that weird behaviour.

The following two days Miyuki was at practice, but every time Sawamura tried to approach him he magically disappeared. It was clear that what happened in the supply shed bothered him to the point he was avoiding Sawamura. After that second day, the pitcher decided he needed to do something to find what the problem was – other than Miyuki being Miyuki, that is.

He didn't even wait for his roommates to go to sleep, he slipped out of the room and went straight to knock on Miyuki's door.

"Miyuki, it's me. Open, please." he whispered. Nothing came from the other side.

He knocked again. "Miyuki, c'mon, open up." he said a bit louder. Nothing again.

He knocked harder. "You can't ignore me forever! You'll need to come out sooner or later! I'm gonna wait right here!" he yelled, but Miyuki didn't answer.

He was banging on the door then. "Open up! Don't be such an idiot Kazuya! I'm the idiot in this couple!" he shouted. Since Miyuki didn't answer immediately, he kicked the door. "Stupid boyfriend!"

At that point the door opened, and Miyuki grabbed his wrist and rushed him inside.

"Shut up! They're going to hear you!" he exclaimed clearly annoyed.

"I got what I wanted, didn't I?"

Miyuki was already sitting on his bed and didn't answer. Sawamura shrugged and went to sit in front of him, on the floor, hugging his knees.

"So, would you like to tell me what's wrong?" he asked in a gentle voice, so distant from his usual shouting.

Miyuki was looking at anything but him, and didn't seem to listen.

"Is it Wakana again? Did Kuramochi tell you something?" he asked in the same way one talks to a child.

"No. It's not. He didn't tell me anything. There is something I need to know?" he pouted.

At least he got an answer, he smiled to himself. "Grumpyuki is adorable, you know?"

"What?" that made him turn and look at Sawamura at last, unsure of what he heard.

"Grumpyuki. Grumpy Miyuki. Got it?" Sawamura couldn't stop himself from laughing.

"What?" Miyuki asked again.

"You're grumpy and you're Miyuki, and I needed to get a reaction."

"Idiot." Miyuki rolled his eyes.

"You're still adorable." Sawamura replied with a grin.

"Shut up!"

"C'mon, grab the pillows." he said.

"I don't want to do it."

"You don't have a choice. It's your punishment for avoiding me."

Miyuki protested mumbling something unintelligible, but then he complied to Sawamura request. Sawamura allowed him to sit down before taking off his glasses – "I can't see without them" "You need to close your eyes anyway" – then he grabbed his right wrist and pulled it across his own waist, made Miyuki rest his head on his shoulder, and hugged him. It was the same as every night, role inverted. He also kissed him lightly on the top of the head. Miyuki was tense, he could feel it, but he didn't say anything, he just gently stroked his back.

Slowly the catcher began to relax and play with the hem of Sawamura's shirt. "I'm sorry." he murmured.

"You keep repeating it, but I don't see why." Sawamura whispered.

"I just can't go on…"

Sawamura stiffened. What did it mean? Was he breaking up with him? Why?

"Every time you go away I just want to push you down again and...and rip your clothes off." Miyuki continued frantically, he didn't seem to notice Sawamura reaction. "Every time you do that thing – you know, that thing that you kiss my chin – I just want to show you what—" he sighed "But I can't, can I?" he said more to himself than to Sawamura "The other day I lost control. I'm sorry."

Sawamura was both relieved and surprised. Miyuki wasn't going to break up with him, that was clear now, and he acted like that because he probably thought that Sawamura was creeped out.

"I guess you must go." the catcher finished in a resigned tone.

"I can stay, if you want me to. We'll find an excuse tomorrow." Sawamura blurted out without too much thought. The truth was that he wanted to stay, he didn't want Miyuki to think that he was afraid.

"Stay." he half asked half ordered. He lifted his head just a bit and kissed him on the chin, making him laugh a little.

They stayed silent for a long while, just entertaining the idea of an entire night together. Miyuki was still playing with his shirt, sometimes wondering underneath it, touching lightly his skin, but recovering pretty soon. Sawamura drew lazy circles on his arms and stroked his hair absent-mindedly.

After a while they both dozed off and woke back up in the middle of the night because the floor was too hard. Miyuki dragged himself to his bed and Sawamura just followed him without thinking. When they lay down facing each other, Sawamura became suddenly very aware of the situation. He was in bed with Miyuki – not that it was different from the floor – but it hit him that people do stuff in bed, stuff he maybe would like to do too.

His hand moved on its own and tucked some hair behind Miyuki's ear and rested on his cheek. The small noise and the smile Miyuki made melted something inside of him.

Before he knew he was harshly kissing him, forcing his lips to part and sliding his tongue inside his mouth. Miyuki's eyes sprang open in surprise but he did nothing to stop him. Taking it as a go-ahead, Sawamura bit lightly at his lower lip then licked it. Again Miyuki made that small noise and he couldn't help himself but want more. His hands were trembling with the hurry to get under Miyuki's shirt, touching his skin and drive the shirt up, up, up until Miyuki had to move his hands to help him take it off and complained when they stop kissing. Sawamura felt the same, but took advantage of the interruption to take hastily away his own t-shirt too before closing the gap once more, his hands now free to move on Miyuki's bare chest.

"Closer, closer" he panted against Miyuki's lips and felt the smirk on them.

That was when Miyuki moved to kiss his jaw, his throat, angling his head so he could suck his earlobe. Sawamura moaned, jerking his hips.

"Closer" he said again. Moving his hand on the small of Miyuki's back, two finger underneath the waistband of his trousers, he made their bodies collide, their legs tangled, extorting a grunt from both of them.

He could feel Miyuki's hardening against his hipbone, it sent a shiver down its spine, making his hips jerk again. He couldn't think anymore, Miyuki's hands were everywhere on his body, leaving burning traces wherever they touched. He turned his head to capture his lips again, he needed them like air. He bit him hard, but it wasn't enough. His hand ran around the waistband, teasing him, making him moan. But he couldn't slow down and appreciate it, he needed to get closer. He found the button of his trousers and unbuttoned it, taking them off without much grace. Miyuki took the bait and did the same to him, Sawamura helped by kicking the trousers somewhere in the room.

The heat between their bodies, the feel of Miyuki's muscles under his hands, and the catcher sucking again that soft spot behind his earlobe made his head spinning so much he could faint. It didn't stop his hunger though, he had to get more. His left hand moved fast from Miyuki's shoulders to his boxer, palming his cock over the fabric. Miyuki let a cry out, rocking his hips against his hand, but Sawamura had already taken it away. He laughed at Miyuki's moaned protest, letting his hand wander on the inside of his thighs.

Miyuki then pressed two fingers against his lips, making him take them inside of his mouth.

"Suck." the catcher order, his voice rough with pleasure, in his eyes the glint of arousal.

Obeying sent a jolt of electricity all over Sawamura's body, and his hand moved to push down Miyuki's boxers and expose him.

Miyuki took slowly away his fingers trailing them down to his nipple. Sawamura followed that line with his eyes, watched his hand rub it, but then he continued watching down Miyuki's naked body and stopped at his twitching cock.

It was so _big_. What was he supposed to do now? Did he have to touch it? Lick it? Suck it? Taking it inside of him? His heart started to beat even faster – if possible – but something was off. He couldn't feel it anymore, the pleasure of Miyuki kissing his neck, touching his body. He couldn't _stand it_, it was suffocating. He wanted him to stop. He _needed_ him to stop.

He wasn't ready, his body realised it before his mind did.

He abruptly sat up, giving his back to Miyuki. He couldn't let him see. Even though he still had underwear on, he couldn't let him see the sudden absence of an erection.

"Oi. What's up?" asked a puzzled Miyuki, tracing gentle circles on his back.

"Not much." he tried to cover with irony and a nervous laughter the shaking of his voice and the tears threatening to make him sob.

He heard a ruffling noise behind him, felt the warmth from Miyuki's body and saw his legs appearing at either side of his body, but he wasn't touch him.

"Eijun? What's wrong?" apparently his decoy didn't work too well.

When he felt that the hands he hid his face in were wet, he realised he couldn't answer . He just violently shook his head.

"Oi. If I did something wrong you can tell me." Miyuki voice was full of concern, and he tentatively put a hand on his shoulder.

"I-It's not you!" he exclaimed, the voice shaking because of the vain effort to keep himself from sobbing. "It's m-me! It's just me, okay?" he shouted, angry at himself. He didn't notice Miyuki stiffening when he heard him cry.

"But what—"

"I w-was afraid." Sawamura started to shake and his words were almost incomprehensible "I d-didn't k-know what to d-do and I panicked." he managed to say. "It was suffocating" he added in a whisper and immediately regretted it when he heard Miyuki inhaling sharply.

"Stupid. Stupid. Stupid Kazuya." Miyuki said banging his head against Sawamura's shoulder like it was a wall. "I'm sorry." he hugged him from behind "I completely forgot it's your first time. I spaced out and I completely forgot. Sorry Eijun."

Sawamura didn't know what to say. He was so ashamed he didn't want to show his face anymore. He couldn't even stand Miyuki hugging him, he surely was pitying him. The thought made him sob loudly again.

"It's my fault. I should've slowed you down. I got carried away and I just thought about my pleasure and not yours. I'm really sorry." Miyuki admitted, pressing a chaste kiss on his shoulder.

Yes, he was totally pitying him by taking the blame.

"Say something, please." Miyuki pleaded.

"I wanted to do it." he murmured, his voice muffled by the hands.

"I know." he felt Miyuki's small smile on his shoulder. "But it wasn't the right time."

"I still want it." he replied, because what could he possibly say otherwise? That he was too scared? Miyuki was being so nice, he didn't even tell him to go away so he could somehow—

He realised that Miyuki was touching him only with his upper body. Was he still turned on?

"Do you want me to go?" he hurriedly got up. When he turned towards him he saw that Miyuki covered himself with the blanket.

"Why?" he asked truly taken aback.

"Because you probably want to, hm, _finish_." he said, pointedly eyeing between the other's legs.

Miyuki laughed a little. "Don't be an idiot. I'm not going to kick you out so I can jerk off." he shook his head in disbelief.

"But—"

"There's no but. You're more important."

"I'm sorry" Sawamura finally said looking down.

"There's nothing to apologise for. It happens and it's completely fine. I don't want you to feel any pressure. If you want to try again another time, we will. If you don't feel like it, it'll be fine anyway."

Now was Sawamura's turn to be taken aback. He understood that he wasn't pitying him after all and he wasn't angry. Everything seemed fine.

"Okay." he said in a small voice still full of crying and a tentative shy smile.

"Good. Now, since I am such an understanding boyfriend, go find my boxers and trousers." he smirked.

Sawamura sighed, took up the clothes from the floor where he tossed them, and handed them to Miyuki, glad in his heart that the other started to joke again.

"And turn the light off." the catcher added flipping open his phone so Sawamura could still see.

Now the problem was where to sleep. Was Miyuki letting him sleep with him or was it going to be too awkward? Was it better if he slept in another bed?

"If you prefer not to sleep here, it's fine, okay?" he probably read his mind while he was getting dressed.

"I'd like to, actually." he found himself saying and motioning towards the other, who promptly move aside.

He crawled up in bed and Miyuki immediately hugged him and made his head rest on his shoulder.

"Try to sleep now. Everything's alright." he whispered in his hair, kissing the top of his head.

The exhaustion, the warmth of another body against his and the reassuring motion of Miyuki's hand on his back made it possible for him to fall in a dreamless sleep soon afterwards.

* * *

I don't know if I managed to convey everything I wanted. It was difficult and I don't think I did a good job with the characters, but it was the best I could.

I had to divide this chapter in two, because it was going to be too long otherwise. I have no idea when I'm going to upload the next though, because it's not finished yet.

(Just please, please note how precious Miyuki is.)


	4. Chapter 4

Here it is the new chapter! It's another Mature-rated, so if you are uncomfortable with it you could read up to _ "Sawamura felt precious, important"_!

* * *

For a glorious moment when he woke up, everything was perfect. Then the events of the night before rushed back into his mind, the strong shaking of his shoulder and Miyuki shouting his name definitely pulled him out of the warm nest he was in.

"Eijun! Eijun! C'mon, wake up!"

He didn't really want to hear him yelling like that, so he turned around hopeful it was enough. It wasn't. Miyuki continued to shake him, and literally pushed him off the bed.

"Ouch!"

"Get up! We overslept! We're late!" Miyuki told him and stormed to the other side of the room. After a second, faster than light, he tossed him something that hit him right in the face.

"Put it on! It'll do for today!"

Sawamura slowly took the fabric and understood it was a uniform. He got up and put it on, his eyes still half closed.

"Hurry up!" Miyuki told him, already dressed, waiting for him with a hand on the door handle.

"I'm ready, I'm ready!" he exclaimed, finishing to button his shirt and starting to follow the other outside.

They jogged along the way in silence, until Miyuki started to laugh.

"What's wrong?" Sawamura asked, wondering if he put the clothes inside out or something.

"It's like your first day," Miyuki smiled fondly.

"Don't fool me again!" Sawamura shouted, getting immediately suspicious as he recalled that first day at Seidou. "What are we going to tell the Boss?" he asked immediately afterwards.

"Leave it to me!" Miyuki grinned, and it wasn't reassuring at all.

He just finished the sentence that they met the coach and were asked their reasons.

"I found him sick in the bathroom," Miyuki said. Sawamura had to restrain himself from calling him out.

"Why didn't you call a nurse?" Kataoka asked unimpressed.

"I didn't want to miss practice!" Sawamura exclaimed too fast to be genuine.

Kataoka sighed, used to Sawamura by then. "Join the others," he ordered and let them pass.

"Sawamura, if you're going to be sick on my field, you'll be banned from pitching for three weeks," he called out.

"I won't, Boss!" Sawamura shouted.

"Don't call me Boss."

"Yes, Boss!" he replied, "It's one week more than Furuya!" murmured, after a couple of steps.

"What?" Miyuki asked.

"Why is it one week more than Furuya? Did he notice we were pretending?"

Miyuki shook his head and rolled his eyes, but didn't answer.

They were about to enter the field when Sawamura stopped dead on his track, making Miyuki turn to give him a puzzled look. "What am I going to tell my roommates?" he asked, with an almost frightened look.

"That's your problem!" Miyuki grinned and then he ran away and joined the team.

"Miyuki, you bastard!" Sawamura yelled and was answered only by laughter.

The moment he stepped in line with the running others, he was met by a kick that made him lose is balance and flail his arms to try in vain not to fall. He knew of course who the kicker was even before the two shadows loomed menacingly over him.

"Kuramochi-senpai! Masuko-senpai! Fancy seeing you here!" he laughed nervously.

"Where the hell have you been?" Kuramochi asked and kicked him again for good measure.

It was all Miyuki's fault if he was in this mess. What was he going to tell them now?

"Well, I don't know if I could say…" he tried to gain time.

"You have to, Sawamura–chan. We covered for you with the coach," Masuko said, his stomach growling with anger.

Damn Miyuki! He was going to pay for— Wait, yes, he _was_ going to pay.

"I promised I wouldn't say," he tried to sound defeated and guilty at the same time, like someone who knows he's cornered, but still wants to try to keep his word.

"I don't care," Kuramochi intervened, helping him up and starting to run together.

"Maybe if you promise not to tell…" he knew the entire team would know by the end of the day.

"Yeah, yeah, we promise. Go on," Kuramochi was obviously curious.

"Well, it's about Miyuki. I went running yesterday, and when I was going back to our room I heard this funny noise. I went to check out what it was and I found Miyuki giggling."

"Miyuki? Giggling?" asked Kuramochi in disbelief.

"Are you sure, Sawamura–chan?" Masuko was incredulous too.

"At first I found it odd too! But he saw me and giggled even more!"

"Why?"

"I don't know, he just did. Anyway, I was about to leave when he started to cry and begged me not to go," he looked at their faces and it seemed like they believed him, "So I helped him to get to his room, but he still didn't want me to leave and confessed he had something to drink. That was when I understood he was completely drunk!" he finished his tale with what he thought was a disgusted but amused tone.

Kuramochi laughed his distinctive laugh. "Tell me you made a video!" he exclaimed, and Masuko nodded in agreement.

It was time for the final touch. "I couldn't," he murmured averting his eyes and playing shy.

"What? You didn't have your phone, did you?"

"It's not that…"

"What is then?" asked Masuko, his stomach growling again in disappointment.

"He didn't want me to leave," he whispered like it was the biggest of secrets, "So he kind of wrapped his arms and legs around me and didn't let go until this morning!"

Kuramochi laughed again, unable to express his content with words. He was probably savouring the moment he would tease Miyuki and spread the story around. Good, so the catcher would learn not to mess with him.

He didn't imagine that the news would spread so fast, though. By lunchtime all the team, not only the regulars, knew already. He was sitting at his place, between Furuya and Haruichi when he felt it, the murderous glare drilling into his skull. In a matter of seconds he saw Furuya fly away, shove aside by an overly smiling Miyuki.

"So, what is it about me kidnapping you?" he asked, with a sweet tone that sent chills over Sawamura's spine.

Sawamura let out a nervous laugh. "What? You don't remember it, Miyuki–_senpai_?"

"No, I don't. Remind me," he said, his gentle, sweet tone sounded exactly like Oniisan. Everything inside Sawamura screamed "danger".

"I–it's not like that. You didn't kidnap me. You just didn't want to let me go, you see…"

"Is that so?" Miyuki said with something in his tone that made Sawamura understand that it wasn't going to see the end of it soon.

They didn't say anything else, just ate in silence, but the tension between the two of them was clear to everyone around.

That night he sent Miyuki a text saying that he wasn't going to his room. It wasn't because of what he told the team, he just didn't want Kuramochi and Masuko suspect, and when they asked he said he didn't want to be kidnapped again. But if he had to be honest, he was still ashamed about the night before.

For the next few days they didn't have any chance of being alone. He wasn't avoiding him, though, he just wasn't going to his room at night either. He spent his nights mostly awake thinking about Miyuki and trying to find his resolve to meet him. He knew he was scared, and he knew he had to do something about it. He was so lost in his thought that he didn't even react to Kuramochi's wrestling moves. He didn't react either when Kuramochi pushed him out of the room and slammed the door close.

"Don't show your face here until you take that misery out of it!" he commanded and locked the door.

Misery? Was he miserable? He didn't think so. He sighed, it was clear that he couldn't sleep in his room for the night. He had just one place to go. He found himself walking before finishing the thought. He stopped in front of Miyuki's door and check that there was no one around before knocking.

The catcher opened after a couple of seconds, took him by the wrist and guided him towards his bed. They lay down spooning, Miyuki was holding him so tight it was almost difficult to breathe. "I've missed you," Miyuki whisper, pressing a soft kiss on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Sawamura replied, shrinking himself, "I'm afraid," he confessed.

"I know."

"I wasn't avoiding you."

"I know. Do you think I couldn't kidnap you if I wanted to?" he chuckled.

Some of Sawamura's tension left his body, and he relaxed in Miyuki's embrace. "I got kicked out of my room. Can I stay?" he asked.

"Of course."

Evidently Miyuki wasn't in the mood for joking, he was still holding him tight, like he could fly away otherwise.

"Are you alright?" he had to ask.

"Mm," the catcher nuzzled his shoulder.

"Kazuya, what's wrong?"

"You're here, nothing's wrong."

"I can hardly breathe…"

"I kind of thought you wouldn't come anymore. Like ever. I kind of thought I freaked you out so much that you couldn't even tell me you wanted to end this," his voice was muffled by the fabric of his shirt, but Sawamura could hear it tremble anyway.

"I don't want to end this. I just needed to think, and probably a push, like literally," he answered with a small laugh. He then struggled a bit to turn around and face the other. They were still so close that their foreheads touched.

"Can I kiss you?" Miyuki asked desperately.

Sawamura laughed. "Yeah."

So he did, slow and sweet and different from that night, precious. Sawamura _felt_ precious, important.

"I have another request…" Miyuki said a bit shyly.

"What?"

"Can we take off our clothes?"

Sawamura genuinely laughed. "Pervert!"

"No! No! It's not what you think!" Miyuki hurried to say, "We won't do anything, anything at all! I just need to feel you close. Please," he said the last word so low it was hard to hear it.

"Okay," Sawamura gave in.

Slowly, like he didn't want to let go, Miyuki moved away, but just enough to take his shirt off without elbowing him, then he fumbled with his trousers. Sawamura was about to take off his own shirt, but Miyuki stopped him.

"I want to do it," he said.

When Miyuki hesitated, Sawamura thought for a second that his hands were trembling, but it was too dark to see properly and Miyuki had already done. They were naked in front of each other, and Sawamura felt himself blushing.

"Turn around." Miyuki pushed him lightly to encourage him to turn.

"Demanding…" he rolled his eyes but complied.

Miyuki held him again, the warmth of their bodies touching was intoxicating, even though Sawamura noticed that their hips weren't touching. He realised that Miyuki was being considerate, asking for permissions, not making him feel the pressure, but it wasn't only that. He could tell that Miyuki was afraid too by the way he was holding him tight, by what he said before, by his hands trembling when he was undressing him, and by that faint red he thought he saw on his cheeks. The realisation made him relax, he breathed out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"How do you do it?" he asked out of the blue.

"What?"

"I mean, I know how it's done between men and women. And I guessed I know about two men, too. But wouldn't it hurt? Not that you'd know, though…" he heard himself saying.

Miyuki chuckled, now getting it. "Why wouldn't I?"

"I figured you'd be the one on top…" Sawamura shrugged as much as the position allowed him.

He felt and heard Miyuki laughing again against his shoulder.

"It's not fixed, you know?"

"So, have you ever bottomed then?"

"No…" he admitted.

Sawamura made a sound that meant he was right.

"A lot depends on who's on top, anyway," Miyuki pouted, poking his side with a finger.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if I were on top, I'd be sure you'd be ready for it. It doesn't have to be painful, Eijun," he explained and squeezed him a little.

"Okay. What about…b–blowjobs?" he stammered embarrassed, glad he wasn't facing Miyuki.

"What about them?" the catcher asked, but there was no hint of mockery. He wasn't playing dumb.

"How do you do it? Do you, like, suck all the time? What do you do with your tongue? What if it doesn't fit? How do you _breathe_?" he shot all the questions fast, to feel less awkward.

Miyuki chuckled. "You breathe through your nose, idiot!" he said affectionately. "And if it doesn't fit, you use your hands too," he stop abruptly, like he'd caught himself before saying something he didn't want to.

"Okay, but it doesn't answer all my questions…" Sawamura complained.

"I have to show you the rest. I can't explain it through words," Miyuki said with gritted teeth.

Oh. That was why he didn't want to say it at first. Sawamura sighed. "Okay," he replied shyly.

He felt Miyuki relax behind him. Was he waiting for that answer?

"Other questions?" he asked.

No, he wasn't waiting for it, he didn't get it at all.

"I said 'okay'," he remarked, but his voice faltered a little.

"I heard you?"

Sawamura didn't answer that. He wanted Miyuki to get it, but it was too embarrassed to repeat it. Or was Miyuki leaving him a chance to back out?

Sawamura felt it when realisation hit him, Miyuki's body tensed, his forehead wasn't on his shoulder anymore and he could feel him staring at the back of his head.

"Oh," he said, "You meant show you. Oh." it seemed like the thought never occurred to him before now, but then he didn't add anything else, he just pushed his forehead back against his shoulder.

"It doesn't have to be now."

Miyuki didn't answer, and in the silence he noticed it. Maybe it was the slightly ragged breath against his back, or the way Miyuki was holding his hands together that made him realise he was actually shaking and trying to hide it. It was so faint now that he was focusing on it, how long had it been going on without him noticing?

"It's alright. I know." Sawamura reached behind with his hand to ruffle the other's hair. Again Miyuki didn't talk. "I know. You're so close I can hear your heart beating so fast it matches mine."

"Don't say such embarrassing things so openly!"

"What! I can't even see you blushing!" he said in his defence.

"Are you trying to seduce me, Eijun?"

Sawamura could feel the smile in his tone. "Yeah. No. Kinda. Maybe."

Miyuki laughed. "I really need to teach you everything…"

"Well, do it already! I know you're holding back for my sake. I'm not a total idiot!" he kept the light tone, but hoped Miyuki understood he was serious.

"I just… I can be very nasty in those situations," he admitted.

He clearly understood the seriousness, because he didn't tease him about being an idiot. But that didn't mean he had to do the same. "You're always nasty!"

"You know what I mean. Last time you started to see it…"

"You're a control freak, so what? You're a catcher, it's kind of obvious."

"I'm not a control freak!" he whined.

"Yes, you are. And last time I actually liked it a lot… Well, until I didn't… But that's not the point!"

"So what is it then?" Genuine amusement finally creeping in his tone.

"The point is that I trust you. I trust you enough to overcome my own fear."

"Again with the awkward things. I really need to shut your mouth." The smug tone he use and the implication of what he said sent a thrill of excitement running through his body.

"Bossy…" he teased.

"That's what I meant… I can easily fall into old habits and get carried away."

"So what?"

"I want to take care of you instead," Miyuki said defiantly.

"Okay, so what would you do?"

"Turn around. Face up." He loosened the grip to let him.

"Ah, so bossy…" Sawamura repeated, but complied. The moment their eyes met, his heart clenched at the sight of vulnerability in Miyuki's gaze. He found himself nodding at the tacit question for permission.

Miyuki smirked, gaining back a bit of his usual personality. "You're so gonna beg me for more…"

"Try m— Ahh!" he tried to say, but he didn't anticipate Miyuki's hand brushing over his cock.

"Excuse me, what?" teased the other.

"I said 'try m—" but again he couldn't finish the sentence that Miyuki did it again.

"You seem to have some problems talking… Wanna repeat again?"

"You're such a ba— ahh!" this time he couldn't help but jerk his hips.

"Oh, you want more already? Well, maybe if you ask it nicely…"

"I won't!" he managed to say and made Miyuki laugh.

"Alright, alright. But just because I'm very generous…" he said and firmly gripped his fully hard cock.

Sawamura inhaled sharply, eyes wide open on Miyuki's face. The comment he was about to make died when he felt the atmosphere change. Miyuki looked too serious for one who was teasing just a second before. Sawamura must have looked at him puzzled because the other immediately smiled reassuringly.

"Just tell me if something is wrong. Or particularly good, okay?" Miyuki asked in that shy tone he used before.

He nodded, urging Miyuki to continue. Miyuki started to move his hands slowly – too slow, but Sawamura guessed he was doing it on purpose. He didn't know how to describe it though, it felt odd thinking that someone else was touching him, but also exciting – and embarrassing at the same time – since that someone was Miyuki. He probably made a strange sound because Miyuki stopped abruptly and looked alarmed.

"What's wrong?" he immediately asked.

"Nothing," Sawamura heard himself panting, "It's just, I don't know, weird…"

"Weird? What am I doing wrong? Is the grip too hard? Should I change the angle?"

"Man, relax! You're killing the mood!" he laughed, holding up a hand and touching the other's cheek, "It's just a bit weird, I'm not used to someone else, and the grip is wrong… No! I don't mean wrong! I'm left–handed!" he wasn't thinking clearly so he struggled to find the right words.

Miyuki seemed to understand, though, because his face lit up. "Oh! Right! Does it feel that different?"

"You'll see…" he tried to sound and smug as the other, but he didn't think it worked well.

"Anything else?"

"You're painfully slow! If you want to tease it's fine, but if —" he knew he was going to do it again, he felt it in his tone, but could not expect it to be so good when Miyuki's hand went all the way down, fast. His back arched, his mouth open in a soundless cry, and when he looked at the other he saw a mischievous grin on his lips.

After that Miyuki started to move his hand at a steady pace, not too slow but not too fast either, that soon was driving him crazy.

"Faster!" he breathed after a while.

"Sorry, did you say 'slower'?" Miyuki teased, actually slowing down.

All he could do was whining and making Miyuki laugh.

"Faster!" he tried again, hopelessly moving his hips up and down in synch with the other's hand.

"Faster what?" Miyuki was enjoying it too much, slowing down even more.

"Faster, _please_…" he conceded, knowing that complying was his only option.

"Good boy," Miyuki whispered so close to his ear that sent shivers down his spine. Fortunately he also increased the pace again.

He soon couldn't think anymore. He knew he was making all sort of sounds, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He'd never imagined this could be so good. Or was it because Miyuki was really good at it? He seemed to know exactly how he liked it, and the constant teasing and whispering things in his ear added so much to it that it build up so fast he almost missed it. Why was he afraid? He had the time to think before he completely lost it.

"Kazuya!" he cried out, his hips jerking erratically, his hand grabbing the sheet.

He almost missed Miyuki going faster, making him come, and then slowing down letting him ride fully that orgasm that felt so different, so much powerful than usual.

Only then, his hand still on his softening erection, Miyuki closed the small distance and gently kissed him, leaving his lips tingling, too sensible.

He heard Miyuki move, not hugging him for a moment, and when he brought himself to open his eyes and look, he saw the other wiping his hands with a tissue. Miyuki looked down to him and smiled before starting to clean him too, gently wiping his stomach. He then tossed away the tissues and lay back holding him close once more.

Was he supposed to say something, like praise him? Or thank him? Maybe he should apologise for not telling him when he was about to come. He turned his head to look at his expression, but Miyuki's eyes were closed and he looked content.

"I— it— I mean—" he stammered.

"Shh, you're killing the mood," he mocked him.

Sawamura sighed, feeling embarrassed. Miyuki probably knew because he kissed his nose, then his lips, and trailed off to his cheeks, and jaw. It was surprisingly soothing. He let him move to his neck, his throat, his right shoulder, the all the way to the left, and then down to his chest, his nipple—

Wait, that wasn't soothing, and he wasn't kissing him anymore. Was that his tongue? He was about to protest, but he paid more attention and noticed that the effect it was having on him wasn't bad at all. He relaxed, decided to let him go on, when Miyuki stopped. He moaned a complaint and was answered by a chuckle and felt Miyuki mouth back but on the other nipple, and his hand replaced his lips on the first one. He never knew that nipples could be so sensible, and just the right stimulus could elicit such an arousing feeling.

Too soon Miyuki moved away though, kissing and licking his chest, and continuing down to his belly, his hands leaving burning patterns on his sides. Weirdly enough it was both relaxing and exciting. When Miyuki reached his hipbone and lightly kissed it and tickled him, he couldn't help but jump a little and giggle. Miyuki did it again and again, and they both ended up laughing.

When they calmed down though, Miyuki didn't do anything anymore.

"Eijun," he called.

The tone was serious and Sawamura realised he had his eyes closed all the time. He opened them now and looked at the other. The question in Miyuki's eyes was clear enough it didn't need words. He slowly nodded, embarrassed but curious.

"Relax," Miyuki whispered, but he was so close to a certain part of his body that his breath made him shiver with excitement and anticipation.

When his cock twitched Miyuki shook his head with a smile. Soon after his tongue was slowly licking his length. Sawamura found it impossible to look away. It was so erotic he thought he could come just for that, let alone the amazing feeling it physically provoked. He knew he screamed, because after a second – while Miyuki was doing it again – he was biting his own fist.

The other stopped – and it was both a relief and a bother – and took his hand away from his mouth and guided it to his hair.

"I want to hear you," he said and it sounded like an order.

He followed with his eyes Miyuki back to his cock, watched him lick it one more time, and then saw the smug look he had before he took the tip between his lips.

For more than a second Sawamura couldn't breathe, but when Miyuki sucked hard he heard himself screaming so loud he was sure the entire dorm could hear it.

Miyuki left him the time to calm down, doing nothing except teasing the tip with his tongue, which made him pant even harder.

When he nodded, to tell him he could go on, it seemed like time slowed down. He could see Miyuki taking him inside his mouth bit by bit, he felt his tongue on the underside, and when he felt him suck time snapped back at his usual speed and he was crying out incoherently and jerking his hips, but Miyuki's hands kept him still. He was also grabbing Miyuki's hair really hard, so he softened the grip. Miyuki hummed approvingly.

"I–I don't think—" but he couldn't continue because Miyuki moved his head down again.

The only thing he could do was screaming his name in warning and trying to pull Miyuki's head away, but the other didn't budge.

"Ka–Kazuya!" he shouted coming undone in Miyuki's mouth.

With an arm on his eyes, his ragged breath, overwhelmed, he heard the sound of his cock being released and Miyuki moving away.

When he recovered enough to peek he saw Miyuki looking at him avidly and drinking an energy drink. Suddenly he felt himself blush. Why was he drinking? Was it that disgusting? Did he—

"It's not what you think, idiot," he said interrupting his train of thought, "It's not disgusting, I could have swallowed it. It's not that."

"W–what is then?" his voice tremble like his body was doing.

"I don't think you're ready to taste yourself, and I really really want to kiss you right now."

"Oh." That's when he noticed Miyuki's erection. Maybe he expected him to do something about it, even if he thought he still needed a couple of minutes. " Well, kiss me then."

Miyuki moved back to the bed and assumed the same position as before, holding him close. He brushed his cheek and smiled. "You're so precious," he whispered more to himself than him and kissed him softly.

Sawamura moved his hand to touch him, but before he could Miyuki stopped him.

"Oi, what are you doing?"

"Isn't it obvious?" he masked the embarrassment with sarcasm.

"I didn't finish with you yet. You still didn't beg me," he explained smirking.

"You can't be serious!"

"I surely am! Well, as long as you want me to."

"Just give me another minute, okay?" he pleaded. Truth was he was still slightly shaking and he felt ashamed for coming so easily.

"As many as you want," Miyuki conceded, resting his head between his shoulder and his neck.

"What do you want to do, though?" Sawamura asked after a while, "Because I don't think I can take another one of _those_…" he felt his face heat up.

Miyuki laughed. "Do you want to try…" he coughed embarrassed "err, like, afingerinsideyou, just to see if you like it?" he spoke fast and against Sawamura's shoulder, so it came out almost unintelligible.

It took Sawamura a full minute to understand and to get through the shock. He felt his fear coming back, all the bravado dissolving.

"You can say no. It's okay if you don't want now… Or ever. Just say something," Miyuki said.

"I don't want it to hurt," he pouted finally.

Miyuki sighed. "I can't promise it won't hurt at all, but I'll do my best to make it as painless as possible."

"I don't know…"

"It's okay."

Sawamura felt on his shoulder the smile accompanying the words. "I'm curious, though."

"It can be another time."

"I don't think I want that, though…"

Miyuki moved his head to look him in the eyes. "Are you saying you want to do it now?"

"If you promise…" he shrugged.

"I do." Miyuki was dead serious.

"Okay, then."

"Are you sure? You don't have to do it to please me or anything, okay?" Miyuki seemed to be the panicking one now.

"I know that!"

"Are you sure then?" he asked again, and Sawamura felt his hands trembling.

"You're really good at killing the mood, aren't you?"

"Okay, okay!" he laughed and kissed him deeply.

Sawamura could still taste the energy drink and a bitter aftertaste. That until Miyuki pulled away and got up. He watched him go to his desk and search for something. He didn't see what until the other went back to the bed holding a tube, but still he didn't get what it was. It probably showed on his face because Miyuki laughed.

"It's lube," he explained holding it out.

"And?"

Miyuki rolled his eyes, "You're really dense!" he laughed again, "It helps…"

"If you say so," Sawamura shrugged.

"You'll see."

But for a moment he couldn't see anything because Miyuki closed the distance and started to kiss him. He was soon biting at his lower lip and licking it, and Sawamura's head felt light and dizzy but in a good way. He felt Miyuki's hair under his fingers, and Miyuki's hands wondering on his naked body. He felt them stop for a second, and the next thing he knew was something cold rubbing his entrance. He immediately stiffened.

"Hey, it's alright," Miyuki whispered in his ear, making him shiver. "I won't do it if you don't want me to."

He was giving him yet another chance to back out. "I–I want to…" he murmured, his voice broke revealing his uncertainties.

"If you relax, it won't hurt," Miyuki whispered again.

"How can you be sure? You said you never did it!" he almost screamed, he felt waves of panic washing over him.

"I said I never bottomed. Not that I never tried…" Miyuki was looking at him with that serious expression again that was both scaring and calming, like he was in total control of the situation – which he was of course, seeing where his hand was.

"What do you mean?"

"You're so dumb!" he murmured "I did it to myself, idiot!"

"You what? Really?" Sawamura asked, eyes wide in surprise.

"Yes, really!"

"Okay then, go on…" he said and braced himself for the pain he was sure he was about to feel, despite all reassurances.

"I'll count to three," Miyuki said and he nodded, "One… Two… Three!"

He closed his eyes shut and tensed his muscles. After a second he realised it didn't hurt, and opened his eyes to look at a smiling Miyuki.

"You were right!" he exclaimed relieved, and felt his body relax.

It was then that he felt a pressure over his entrance, something sliding in and that cold sensation spreading inside of him. He gasped, but before he could tense again, it already stopped.

"So…?" Miyuki smirked.

"You trickster bastard!" he exclaimed, even though he was glad he did it like that.

Miyuki chuckled, "How does it feel?"

"Weird… Cold but it burns a little, I guess," he pondered.

"Sorry…" he murmured and tenderly kissed him, "You still need to stay relaxed, okay?"

"I'll try…" he said doubtful. It didn't feel that good at the moment, but it didn't feel bad either. Now that he knew that it didn't hurt as much as he thought, he could feel calmer though.

He felt Miyuki's finger slide more, it felt like he could tell the exact shape of it. It didn't hurt, but his body felt like it wanted to reject it. He tried to contrast that, to avoid tensing and he thought he managed, but Miyuki stopped again, letting him time to adjust. He was breathing hard, but he didn't know if it was for the tension, the fear, or the excitement he felt growing inside him.

"Are you alright?" asked the catcher softly.

He nodded, not trusting his voice.

"Why are you still afraid? Does it hurt?"

"I'm not afraid!" he exclaimed indignantly.

"You're shaking!" Miyuki noted, a smile on his lips.

"That's because I have your finger in my a—" but he couldn't finish the sentence that Miyuki kissed him again.

"Tell me when you think I can start moving," Miyuki whispered when he pulled away.

"Moving!?" Sawamura voice was high-pitched.

"Yes, moving, do you think it's just that? I stick a finger up your ass and that's it?"

"Well, how am I supposed to know!"

Miyuki shook his head. "Are you ready?" he said exasperated.

Sawamura nodded, even if he didn't know for sure. Miyuki moved his finger slowly, and left him breathless. He didn't know what he felt exactly, but he wanted to feel it again, he was about to tell Miyuki, but the other did it on his own. It was a weird sensation, the cold from the lube was almost gone, he felt hot everywhere. Since he didn't stop him, or showed he was in pain, Miyuki continued moving his finger in and out slowly increasing the speed.

"More!" he said before he even thought he wanted it.

Miyuki stopped, surprised, "You sure?"

"Yes, yes!" he urged him. He didn't know how to explain what he was feeling though, it was completely different from what he felt before. He just had this crave for more. He felt Miyuki's finger sliding out and moaned.

"Just wait a second!"

Sawamura saw him move away and put some more lube on his fingers. Sawamura moaned again, he didn't want to feel that cold once more, but when Miyuki pressed at his entrance it was surprisingly pleasant.

Two fingers were different than one. Miyuki was taking it easy, let him the time he needed, but two fingers _were_ different. It wasn't painful exactly, but it was more uncomfortable, and it did burn more. But when Miyuki started to move, it also _felt_ different, more intense. Way more intense. He felt himself stretch, and sometimes the fingers were grazing at a particular spot that made his hips jolt and his cock throb.

A part of him registered he was being noisy, but he couldn't bring himself to do anything about it and Miyuki didn't seem to mind, he actually seemed to particularly enjoy it, panting in his ear, whispering nonsense.

He didn't need to ask for more, it surprised him feeling a third finger slipping inside him, mixing pleasure and pain so that he didn't know which once he was feeling.

"Stop! Stop!" he had to say and Miyuki immediately did, looking worried.

"Sorry!" he said, kissing his temple.

"It's just…" Sawamura began but had to catch his breath, "amazing!"

"Oh." Miyuki chuckled, but then his expression changed from worried to malicious, and he started to move his fingers again.

"No! No… Ahh… Nhg… Yes!" Sawamura tried to protest, but failed.

"You're driving me crazy, Eijun," Miyuki groaned in his ear.

Hearing that made Sawamura's mind short circuit. "More, please, please, more!" he screamed, his hands grabbing the sheets, his mouth searching desperately for Miyuki's, who refused it though.

"Are you begging, Eijun?" he snickered, amused.

"Yes! Yes!" he exclaimed.

Miyuki slowed down, "So, what do you want exactly?"

"Faster… More… You!" he managed to say.

Miyuki looked surprised and stopped completely. "What?" he asked, all the teasing in his tone disappeared.

"I–I want you…" it was hard to say it not in the heat of the moment, and he felt himself blushing, "…inside me?"

"That's… That's different, Eijun," Miyuki said, and his pleading tone made Sawamura turn and look at him.

"I want it," he replied firmly.

"I don't know…" Sawamura noted that his cheeks were flushed.

He grabbed Miyuki's wrist and slowly pulled his fingers away from himself, and then pulled the other in his arms. Unfortunately doing so brought their erections to rub together. They both gasped and then laughed in each other breath.

"I really do want it," he said with all the determination he had.

"Eijun, I—"

"I'm begging you, Kazuya!" he reminded him. Knowing that he had him, he couldn't help but grin.

"Alright," the other murmured, glints of lust in his eyes.

He got up and went to his desk once again, searching for something in the drawers.

"Give me a sec…" he muttered, "I can't find it…" he searched some more and then went back to bed, smirking.

"You haven't thought it would happen," realisation made Sawamura speak before he could stop himself.

"No…" Miyuki answered, looking away and blushing.

Sawamura smiled – he liked seeing this side of the other – and felt the excitement that abided for a second coming back vengefully. He answered nodding to the question in Miyuki's eyes and let the other moving between his legs.

Sawamura watched as the other opened the tiny envelope he took from the desk, discarded the foil, and slowly unrolled the condom on his cock, then took the lube and put some on it, stroking his length a couple of times. He was oddly fascinated by it, and he was sure – the smug look in his eyes was proof enough – that Miyuki did it that sensual way on purpose.

He gasped in surprise when Miyuki grabbed both his legs, spread them widely, and moaned loudly.

"You're so hot, Eijun…" he husked, "So flexible… It makes wonder what your limit is… It makes me want to try all sort of things…"

"Stop _dirty–talking_ and actually do something!" he complained, even though it turned him on even more.

"I–I don't think I'd last long," he said, looking hungrily at all his body.

"Duh, me neither," he jerked his hips closer, trying to make him move.

"I don't think I can hold back either…" he continued, ignoring him.

"Don't. Please, just do it…" he whined.

Miyuki nodded and aligned himself to his entrance, gently pressing with his tip. That was enough to make his breath unevenly already, but it was nothing to what happened next, when Miyuki slowly slid inside, groaning and panting. Even though it was gentle, it hurt. He couldn't help himself but cry out, but – as he said – Miyuki wasn't able to stop himself until he was completely inside. It felt too full. Too much. It burned and hurt, and he was stretching but painfully slow. He couldn't breathe, and his legs were too spread they were trembling. He was about to tell him, but he couldn't voice anything, too overwhelmed by the thought that _Miyuki was inside him_.

To his merit, Miyuki did hold back, he didn't move at all until the burning and pain decreased to mere discomfort. But when he moved, with long and hard thrusts, he took his breath away, and his ability to think too. Sawamura watched as he towered over him, naked and beautiful, completely possessing him, dominating him, shoving their bodies together, without all the worries he had before. It was perversely arousing, and it wasn't long before he couldn't even cry out loud, screaming all his feelings when Miyuki's cock grazed his prostate.

"Please, please, please…" he chanted, but he didn't know what he wanted exactly.

Miyuki had stopped his teasing, he wasn't able to say more than monosyllables. His grip on his legs was slacking, he suddenly let him go, making him cry out for the change of angle, but it was immediately forgotten when he leaned down, weighting on him.

"I can't hold it any longer…" he breathed, brushing his lips.

Sawamura had pulled his weakened legs around the other hips, hands on his shoulder blades, drawing him closer. He initiated the kiss that soon became the way to shut each other's screams as their movements became erratic, and they both came almost at the same time.

It lasted no more than five minutes, but left both of them exhausted. Miyuki pulled out and collapsed on him, his face in the crook of his neck. Even though Sawamura felt his weight and it was hard to breath, he didn't push him away but nestled him in his arms.

After what seemed an eternity, Miyuki got up – looking at him with a strange expression he could place – and efficiently removed the condom, threw it away and wiped his hands and stomach. He sat on the bed and did the same to Sawamura. For some reason it felt more intimate than what they just did.

Sawamura was in a haze. He just had sex. With a guy. Miyuki. And it felt good, more than good actually.

"I'm sorry…" mumbled Miyuki, cuddled next to him. "I wasn't very gentle, was I? In the end I couldn't be that different from the usual…"

"Why are you saying that?"

"Because you're crying…" he looked up at him and Sawamura could see the tears in the other's eyes.

"I'm not crying, you are!" he exclaimed, but when he touched his cheeks and rubbed his eyes he find them wet. "Why am I crying!?" he asked panicking.

"I don't know, you tell me," and there was a hidden plead in his tone, "It was too rough, maybe. I hurt you…"

"No, no it wasn't! It didn't hurt…much," he hurried to explain, "I–I actually liked it. I want to do it again…"

"That's why you're crying?" Miyuki asked, surprised.

"Probably, I don't know! You were awesome!"

Miyuki laughed, "Of course I was!" he remarked, but it was half–heartedly. "You sure you're okay?" he added in a whisper after a while.

"Yes… Don't worry, I won't leave you…" he said, half drifting into sleep and not paying close attention to what he was saying.

Miyuki stiffened, but then laughed. "You never stop to amaze me, Bakamura," he kissed whatever part of him he could find, that was somewhere between his neck and his jaw. "Sleep now, tomorrow we can go out if you want."

"I'd like to…" was the last thing he remember saying before sleep took him completely.

The day after, when he woke up, Sawamura found out muscles he didn't know he had that now were sore like he'd just played a match. Miyuki was still asleep beside him so he took some time to observe him. They were still naked so nothing was left to imagination. His hair was plastered to his forehead, and without glasses he retained that air of vulnerability he saw the night before. He couldn't help but find him cute. The thought made him smile, cute wasn't a word he would have used to define Miyuki before now.

He felt his heartbeat getting faster and a worrying thought – _I'm in love with him?_ – crossed his mind. He shook his head and blamed his still sleeping mind. He kissed Miyuki's temple, stroked his hair and looked as the other slowly woke up.

"Eijun, you okay?" his voice hoarse.

"Mm, good morning."

"Morning."

They stayed in bed for a while after that, both awake but silent. Miyuki was the one who got up first, and he hummed with pleasure at the sight of his partner's body.

"Bath?"

"Yes, bath…" Sawamura answered getting up too and stumbling on his weak legs when he put the weight on them, a spike of pain running down his spine.

Miyuki caught him and steadied him, looking worried. "You're hurt!" he exclaimed the obvious.

"No! I just didn't expect it!" he lied, "I can do it!" and he pushed away the other to show him he could stand on his own. He found out he actually could, and he could also move with just a little discomfort.

They headed to the bathroom without seeing anyone. Miyuki was still so worried about him that he insisted on massaging his legs – where he also found some bruises – but it didn't help him much against the sore muscles and the slight burn of his backside he was keeping hidden. It was satisfying seeing Miyuki so devoted to him though, and he savoured the moment, well knowing it happened just once in a blue moon.

They also managed to sneak out of the dorm, even though Miyuki had to lend Sawamura some clothes – "That's kinky, we should do it more often" "Pervert!" "But it can look like I'm making love to myself!" "Pervert!" – and to Sawamura's surprise, Miyuki showed him places of his childhood around the city.

They had fun, and if he had worried that they would change after what happened during the night, Sawamura found it was unnecessary, because they continued to tease and torture each other as if nothing happened.

* * *

Sorry for the long wait!

This is the first thing so explicit I've ever written, and I mean in every language I know! It's also the longest thing I've written in English so far!

It's been a bit difficult and if it doesn't flow that well, I apologise, but it was really hard for me with all the terminology! Anyway, I did it and I proud of myself! lol

Also, I don't actually know if the difference in using the left or right hand can be that much, I just thought it was fun! (I went to the extent of pretending to have a penis and see if one way or the other changed something, but the key word being pretending, you can clearly understand that my method was not exhaustive.)

Thanks to everyone who read, commented, left kudos, bookmarked and everything! I really appreciate it! With 'appreciate' I mean 'squeal and giggle' everytime I receive an email and read your comments!


	5. Chapter 5

A warning, this chapter is angst and possibly triggering. I'm sorry I can't point out where to read or stop because the entire chapter has dark tones.

Also, it is set between chapter 219 and 220 of the manga, so it contains major spoilers for people who just watch the anime.

* * *

Yips. He should have realised it sooner. He could have done something, but now, now it was too late. After the match everything seemed fine, everybody was sad or angry, but it was normal and Eijun seemed to handle it well. It seemed he had recovered pretty fast, moved on on his dream of becoming the ace, so he didn't think too much about it, he thought he was doing fine without his help. He could also watch that tape to the end, dammit! How was he supposed to know that something was wrong?

To be honest he should have noticed after the first practice game, not after several plus the utter defeat against Yakushi. But he was too busy being the Captain, the catcher, the cleanup and every other responsibility the coach thought he could handle to also be able to be a good boyfriend. He had to prioritise and he prioritised baseball, as always.

So they ended up like that, the coach noticing, Eijun being subbed out with consequent trauma, different training regimen, no contact with the ball, obvious frustration and his unwavering spirit nowhere to be found. Now he was sulking in his room pretending to do homework, books sprawled all around him on the floor, while _he_ was _actually_ doing homework at his desk.

Well, not exactly. He was thinking a lot about what to do next more than the math exercises he had in front of him.

Right now he needed to say something. Something snarky, something stupid and irritating that would get a reaction from his boyfriend. He let his pencil drop and turned around as Eijun mumbled something.

"What?" He noticed the books already piled up, like he was about to go, but it was still early. He had a bad feeling.

"I want to break up."

Five words, fourteen letters, a billion pieces of his heart.

"Pardon?" he snarled. Putting up his usual arrogance and sarcasm was his defence mechanism after all.

"I want to break up." Eijun repeated, his voice stronger, he was determined. "It's your fault. Everything is your fault."

"_Excuse me_?" he was incredulous.

It was okay to be angry, and it was partly his fault, but breaking up? Why? He hoped he could keep up that façade and not break in front of Eijun.

"That dead ball? You knew I was going to throw it. You wanted me to! You manipulative bastard! You toyed with me, you used me! You made me fall in love with you! All the while you were plotting your master plan to get me out of the games and make your precious Furuya the new ace! You don't even care, do you? I was just a diversion, someone you could fuck, say some nice word to keep me at bay, pretending to care about me and my baseball!"

He didn't see Eijun so fired up since the game against Inashiro, and that was good but directed at him was pretty scary.

Something in his throat prevented him from speaking. He knew that if he could say anything he would beg him not to do it.

Not that he had time to anyway. Eijun stomped out of the room not before the finishing blow, "I'm better off without you."

_Like I don't know that, right? _He looked at him going, unable to do anything. He looked at the door for several minutes, hoping Eijun would come back, and tell him he made a mistake, he was just frustrated and took it out on the wrong person. But Eijun didn't come.

Red rage washed over him. Rage at himself, because he knew it was going to end like that. He knew growing close to someone meant being hurt.

He kicked the chair to the other end of the room, if it hurt he didn't notice. He wiped everything on his desk away, the lamp was ripped off the socket and crashed on the floor, the books landed with their pages torn. He didn't have enough though. He tore apart the fabric of his pillowcase, undid the bed. He wildly looked around but found nothing else to throw. He took off his glasses and threw them with all his might against the door. He was so sick of them.

He wasn't used to this kind of violent outbursts, it never happened before, but it was also true that he never felt so at loss.

He fell on his hands and knees and started to cry, screaming and sobbing aloud, banging his fists on the floor.

He didn't remember what happened after that, how long he stayed there, how long he cried, if he even moved, until his alarm clock went off. Apparently his phone was spared. He looked around to see the mess he made, but didn't care at all.

He was tempted to go to bed and get some sleep, and stay there forever, but he knew he couldn't. He picked up his glasses to find them broken. He snorted and let them fall again, he had a spare anyway.

His hands trembled while he was getting dressed, his all body actually seemed to tell him to stop, stay in his room, not go out. But he put on his mask of carefree bad boy and exited the room. He knew his eyes were red and bloodshot but he would think of something if someone asked.

Practice was a torture, but he managed to keep his cool. He snapped at a couple of people, but Miyuki Kazuya wasn't known as a nice person, so nobody questioned it.

He couldn't help but look at Furuya differently though. It wasn't his fault, he knew that, and tried to keep it in mind when he scolded him over something he didn't do every time he had to catch one of his pitches. Why did Eijun think he was favouring Furuya? Did he expect him to stand up for him and say something on the line of 'this is the boy I love, so give him the ace number, Kataoka-kantoku!'? He couldn't do that. And even if he wanted to, in the current situation – yips or not – Eijun was no ace. Nor was Kawakami or Furuya himself, actually. They all had a lot to overcome, but considering that Eijun lost his only weapon, Furuya was the only possible choice. He couldn't argue with that.

He was so distracted that he missed Furuya's pitch, fortunately he wore his gear and it didn't do any damage.

"Look what you pitch, would you? You're the ace now, you need to pitch perfectly every time! I thought that was clear enough," he exclaimed angrily. It probably was a good pitch though, he just needed to take it out on someone. "Go to cool off, you're done for today."

Furuya did look at him with a strange look, but didn't say anything and complied. Ono too was staring at him, a reproachful look in his eyes. Kazuya had to restrain himself to snap at him too.

The only good thing of that day was that he didn't have to see Eijun. If he had to face him he was sure he would lose it completely.

When he went back to his room, his heart faltered at the mess. He didn't want to deal with it, but he also wanted to sleep in his bed. He was so tired.

Anyway, he sighed and got himself to work. The glasses were to trash, the lamp needed to be changed, but the socket was fine. The books needed just a heavy weight on them and they would be fine. The pillowcase wasn't a problem, he just replaced it, and he didn't care to make the bed, he let himself fall on it and covered himself.

Considering the day of practice and the sleepless night, he thought he would fall asleep immediately. He wasn't that lucky.

Now that he was calm, he could process everything better. It was stupid on his part to think things with Eijun could work. He knew since a long time he wasn't worth it. He created the illusion things could be different because Eijun was so _alive_. But Eijun wasn't the problem in their relationship. One could be as much alive, cheerful, amazing as possible, but if the other part was faulty it couldn't be helped.

He knew he couldn't be happy, no matter how hard he tried, it was a waste of time and energy and resulted only in unnecessary pain. Wasn't it proof enough that everybody hated him? Yes, his teammates probably respected, no, _tolerated_ Miyuki the catcher, but evidently hated Kazuya the person. Why wouldn't they, anyway? He was nasty, arrogant, unpleasant, and a manipulative bastard. That was why he didn't have any friend, or anyone who cared enough. They didn't even check on him when he was screaming and crying and turned upside down his room.

Why did the think of being happy with Eijun even cross his mind? It was unfair to Eijun. It was egotistic, and just unmasked him for who he really was. It was inevitable that Eijun would notice it and leave him.

"Stupid, stupid Kazuya!" he murmured, pressing his hands on his eyes, causing sparkles under his eyelids. It didn't prevent him from starting to cry quietly.

_You're worthless. You don't deserve to be happy. You're nothing._ His thoughts sounded suspiciously like Eijun's voice. _You're not even that good at baseball, you just pretend to be. You're just toying with yourself just like you toy with everybody else. Everyone is better off without you, especially Eijun._

He couldn't stop sobbing, but he didn't care. There was no one who could see him, no one who cared to see him. He just let his tears fall, unable to stop, _unwilling_ to stop.

"Oi, Captain," Kuramochi never cared if he was busy – pretending to be – or not, and he was sure what he wanted to discuss now, "What are you going to do about it?"

"About what?" he answered distracted. He didn't even look at him.

"Sawamura, duh!" Here it was, the elephant in the room. "He's moping in our room. Do something about it."

"Why should I?"

"Because you two..." he let the rest untold but it was clear enough. The bastard was observant after all.

"Well, why should I?" he repeated, more bitter, "It's not like I care. Anyway, shouldn't you be worried about the batting line up?"

"I know that!" his tone raised, some of their classmates was staring. "We need him! He's the mood-maker of the team, and if you screwed him up..." he struggled to keep his tone down.

"Do you mean literally!?" he hinted, a sly grin on his lips. He was so good at this. Oh, that disgusted look on Kuramochi's eyes was priceless.

"Miyuki," he threatened him.

"Listen, I get that he his important to the team. But things were clear when we started it. No attachment. It was just for fun, just to kill time and enjoy each other. Just sex. He knew that. Lately things weren't so great, I sensed he was growing affectionate. I confronted him, and we peacefully ceased every _activity_," he explained, grinning even more because Kuramochi expected him to, "I never wanted a relationship, if he expected me to wipe his nose whenever he cried, or to hold his hand and be all lovey–dovey, he was wrong. He's hot, I wanted to fuck him and I did. Now it was getting boring so I stopped. That's it." he hated himself for saying those things, but he managed to keep his smirk on his lips and sound as shallow as they thought he was.

The disgust in Kuramochi's eyes became hatred, just as he wanted. "You're a bastard..." he commented losing the fighting spirit that animated him just a moment before.

Kazuya got up, put a hand on Kuramochi shoulder, which was immediately smacked away, and sighed. "If he's going to be destroyed by the yips, it'll be my problem. I know that."

"What the hell does it even mean!"

He laughed and walked away, without answering. He hoped Kuramochi would leave him alone from now on, he had already too many things to think about without him pestering with that situation again.

He hoped he could get some sleep that night. Two restless nights were too much. If he had to endure another one he would probably faint on the field, or fall asleep in his crouching position catching the ball with his drooling face. That was a sight he wanted to see. Miyuki Kazuya falling from his pedestal, losing all his glory. Apparently whoever was out there was of the same opinion because he couldn't stop thinking about the dead expression on Eijun's eyes at dinner, lunch, breakfast. He had very little sleep that night, and the night after and the one after that.

On the other hand, it took Eijun a week to get over him. He saw him gradually lifting his head while running – not that he looked or anything – he could almost see his thoughts. _I did the right thing. I feel so well without him. Now I can be happy. I'm not even gay. That stupid Miyuki can't do me any harm_.

And so he had to deal with having him back in practice, even though it was just outfield.

While Eijun was getting better he felt he was dying inside bit by bit. When the coach called him in the bullpen, he didn't know how he could stand that. Having Eijun so close but so far. He knew he had to get along with him for the sake of the team. He knew he had to forget his feelings, because it was useless continuing to dwell on the hope he would change his mind.

He was so tired. So so tired. "Nice ball," he said, his voice sounded alien to him. How could he sound so cheerful?

He just wanted a good night of dreamless sleep, no, maybe an eternity. Yes, an eternity of sleep was exactly what he needed. Not the canned coffee he was about to get from the vending machine that night. That is if his phone didn't beep right there and then.

[From: Tokugawa Chris]

[I've talked to the coach. I'll see what I can do.]

What the hell did that even mean? Why Chris-senpai was texting him? He had the worst of feelings, chills ran down his spine. He checked, just to be sure, if he sent something to him. It seemed like he did. That first night he still didn't even remember.

"Someone please kill me," he exclaimed, pressing his forehead against the vending machine, maybe the drinks would take pity on him and stop his suffering.

"Miyuki-senpai?" Or maybe Kominato-otouto would. He preferred the vending machine though.

"Kominato..." what was he supposed to say? _Nice weather, huh?_ _No I don't really want to die, don't worry and don't tell Eijun_.

"Are you alright? If... If you need change, I can help..." So so naive, Kominato.

"No, thanks. I just need a coffee and I'll be fine," he answered and finally pressed the button to get the so delayed coffee. "See!? Goodnight, Kominato."

He motioned away, he didn't want to stay there, to chitchat with a guy he never talked to before and in addition was linked so closely to Eijun. He should have known by now that fate was against him.

"You sure you're alright, senpai?" Kominato was blushing, and in another moment he could have thought he was cute, but not now.

"Not a worry in the world!" he laughed, but it didn't sound genuine even to him.

"Sorry if I say that but you look tired," Kominato shrugged, drinking his juice. In that moment he looked exactly like his brother, sneaky, plotting world domination.

"Do you need something, Kominato?" But the point was, he wasn't his older brother, he was his kohai, and he didn't want people to mess with him right now.

"Well, you should do something..."

"Oh man, not you too..." he rolled his eyes. How did he even know about this? "I don't know what do you expect me to do. I don't have a magic wand that fixes everyone's problems."

"Maybe you could fix the problems you caused, though..." Well, that was bold, it ran in the family apparently.

"Or maybe you could start minding your own business." he retorted.

"Eijun's my best friend!" It was rare hearing Kominato raise his voice and took him by surprise.

That's probably why he said what he said next. "_Eijun_ dumped _me_!" shit, he said it out loud. Shit, shit, shit.

The horror on Kominato's face confirmed he really said it. And also probably confirmed that the burning tears in his eyes were visible from the outside, "So now, let me drink this damn coffee, and let me get back to the umpteenth sleepless night. Thank you very much!" he screamed again, trying to sound angry and mask the effect his confession had on him, and completely failing.

"I'm sorry," the other whispered and had the decency of looking flustered.

"You'd better be," was the bitter remark he managed to say. And he was seriously about to leave, but what Kominato said next stopped him short.

"You can still do something..."

"And why the hell should I?" he snapped, now getting angry for real. "He dumped me but I'm the one who should seek out? Why? I don't get it, enlighten me."

"Because you would regret it..." Kominato said tentatively, probably scared by his outburst.

He took advantage of that. "You will regret saying anything about this conversation to anyone. 'S that clear?" he threatened, and left, a bitter taste in his mouth not caused by the sip of coffee he had.

Stupid Kominato and his shyness.

He did regret it though.

He had to push back his feelings every single day. He had to see him growing as a pitcher and as a person without being by his side. He had to be friendly, with the ache to touch him always tempting him. Always threatening to break him. He had to look when Chris–senpai came and helped him like he couldn't.

With time the pain became an ache. His heart always skipped a beat whenever Eijun talked to him. A part of him never stopped hoping for something more – that same part that in the dead of the night sometimes couldn't help but crying – but he knew he couldn't rely on that.

He got over him. He resigned himself to being teammates, maybe just a little more. They formed a good battery in the end. The baseball he played with Eijun was the best baseball he ever played, and probably ever will. He wasn't happy, he finally understood he could never be, but it was enough. He was enjoying his high school years, he had fallen in love, and no matter how it ended that was a feeling he didn't want to forget.

When the time of his graduation came, he was hit by the realisation of how things had really been. Yes, he knew he couldn't be happy, he knew he didn't deserve it, he knew they formed the best battery ever, but not fighting for him was going to be his biggest regret.

"Sawamura," he called him one day in the middle of a desert corridor.

They'd reverted to family names when they started to work together again.

"Oh, Miyuki..." he laughed nervously looking around. They weren't used to be alone anymore. A pang of pain tugged at his stomach.

"I've talked to the coach," he said flatly, "He agreed to make you Captain when I'm gone."

Apparently that shocked Eijun. Wasn't it obvious that he was going to be the new Captain? Wasn't it obvious that he was the sunshine of the team? Of his life?

"Why me?"

"You're the driving force of this team. Keep that up and you won't have a problem," despite himself, he smiled, "You'll be perfect," he added before he could stop himself. He hated the sweet, revealing tone he used.

Eijun was too stunned to notice anyway. "I— I don't—" he was speechless, and Kazuya couldn't help but find it hilarious. Or maybe it was just his nerves.

"I still don't understand why!" Eijun managed to say.

It took him aback, "Why not?"

"I— I t–thought you despised me..." he awkwardly rubbed the back of his head.

Despise him? He felt emptied. Like a hollow shell. And so so sad. How did he end up like that? How did he end up deceiving himself that he was fine?

"Why?" the strangled sound that came out of his mouth didn't resemble a word.

"Because of what happened between us..." his voice was steady, and the resolute look on his face told Kazuya all he needed to know. Eijun didn't regret it. He still thought he worked against him, he let him go through hell, sat back and watched.

"Why would I?" he brought himself to ask ironically, "You did the right thing." What else could he say? _Look, you got it wrong, I always loved you. Let's just forget everything and get back together_. He wasn't going to humiliate himself when it was clear that Eijun didn't feel the same.

His lips trembled when he tried to smile. "So, congratulations, Captain."

He didn't wait for an answer, if he stayed there another second he would shatter into pieces again.

He had failed. He hadn't got over him, just pushed down his feelings every time they tried to resurface. He couldn't fight for himself, much less tell him he still loved him. He couldn't admit to himself that Eijun never wanted him.

He was falling into a black void. He couldn't slow down. It was strange but he didn't dread the moment he hit the ground. He almost _wanted_ it.

He woke up with a start, sweating. He was breathing hard, panting. He looked wildly around in the dark, not sure where he was. It took him a couple of seconds to realise. He pulled his knees to his chest and hugged them, the forehead pressing on them.

"It's been a dream, it's been a dream," he whispered trying to calm himself. His voice choked on the tears running uncontrollable down his cheeks. It had been a dream, right? Or was it a memory? It felt so real. Several minutes after, completely awake, he could process it and understand where the dream started and reality stopped.

When finally he stopped crying, he took his phone to check the date. The sense of relief that washed over him was overwhelming. Nothing happened. He just talked to Kominato. He wasn't graduating, he still had a chance.

Before he knew he was driven out of the room by an urge of doing something, he didn't even bother to put his glasses on. He was about to bang at Eijun's door when he came to his mind and realise it was night. He tried the doorknob and found the door unlocked, so he slid in, leaving it open to get some light and tentatively ventured to Eijun's bed.

He put a hand on Eijun's mouth and a finger on his lips, "Come with me," he whispered.

Eijun's eyes opened wide and he tried to struggle before recognising him. Kazuya thought he saw a flash of anger in the other's eyes. "Please," he added and it sounded more like a sob than a plea.

He walked out, hoping for Eijun to follow him. He didn't realised he started to count until he arrived at twelve and was hyperventilating. Why wasn't he coming out? Did he fell back asleep? Was it okay to go inside once more?

"C'mon, Eijun," he mumbled, shifting from foot to foot.

He was about to get in again when Eijun exited, yawning. "What do you want?" he spat. So he didn't imagine the anger.

He decided not to answer right away, he didn't actually make a plan. He started walking away from the dorms, partly not to wake the others and partly so he wouldn't be humiliated in front of them when Eijun started to yell at him.

"What do you want?" Eijun repeated, louder.

"Just wait a sec..." he answered nervously.

He stopped close to one of the fields, where they were hidden, but there was light enough to see each other – well, not that he could really see without glasses.

"What do you— Wait, where are you glasses?"

"I left them in my room," he laughed hysterically. His heart was beating too fast, he had no idea of what to say, but he knew he had to say something.

"How you didn't trip over your own feet is a mystery," Eijun murmured and blushed, and then assumed again that angry look.

"Listen," he started but then he stopped. What was he suppose to say? His head was spinning, "I'm sorry..." probably a good start, "Listen," he already said that. He needed to go on or Eijun would turn his back and go away, "About what happened, I'm sorry" he saw that his hands were trembling and he hid them in the pockets...he didn't have because he was wearing his boxer briefs. He looked bewildered at Eijun who had arched an eyebrow and was staring at him. Pathetic, he was pathetic. "The game against Inashiro, it was my fault. Yakushi too. But I swear, Eijun, I swear, I didn't want you to throw that dead ball, I didn't know you were going to," he sounded desperate to his own ears. He didn't leave Eijun the time to answer, though, "I wanted to win, and I asked too much from you. I misjudged the situation... And against Yakushi, I wanted to prove that I could be a good Captain, that I could have a good team even without the third years.." Why all that mattered anyway? It wasn't what he wanted to say.

"Kazuya—"

"No, no! Let me speak! Let me speak!" he was going insane. What did he have to say so importantly? His mind was blank. He looked at Eijun and shook his head. "Not enough sleep," he murmured to himself, his hands in his hair pulling it.

"Kazuya, you seem a bit off. Why don't you just breath and calm down?" Eijun took a step closer, he held out a hand but then retracted it. Did it disgust him, to touch him?

"I don't want you to go..." his voice spoke.

"I won't. I'll listen, promise." Eijun's voice was sweet, soothing. The voice he loved, the voice that saved him.

His legs gave in, he fell on the ground. So his all body was shaking, not just his hands. "I don't want to regret it," he finally said, going to the point.

"Regret what?" Eijun crouched down to be at the same eye level.

"Not fighting for you," he exhaled, "I know! I know!" he exclaimed even though the other didn't say anything, "You're far far better off without me, but I had a dream, I was graduating and you were still mad at me and I couldn't bear it!" he added in a rush.

Eijun sighed. "I'm not mad. I know you didn't want to hurt me..." he mumbled.

"What?" Kazuya looked up at him, surprised.

"I was too ashamed to come to you." Was it still a dream? Was he still sleeping? It was impossible he heard it right. "And you looked fine, so I thought you were over it..."

"Over it?" his voice higher than usual.

"Yes, I'm sorry..."

"Over it? Over it!? I almost punched Kominato tonight! That's how much I'm over it!" he exclaimed, incredulous, but not angry. He was_ relieved_.

"What!?"

"I had six hours of sleep in the last seven days! That's how much!" he continued.

"What!?" Eijun sounded even more surprised – and possibly horrified – but Kazuya was too out of his mind to really notice anything.

"Yeah, it's true..." he just answered. Now he was feeling drained. He was still doubtful about all the situation, he was still afraid he would wake up to his misery.

"Kazuya..." he loved hearing his name, but didn't like the pitiful note in Eijun's voice.

"Are we good?" he asked before he could think. He dreaded the answer, but he needed it, "Do you still want me?"

"Yes, yes I do." Eijun hugged him and it was like he came back to life. He felt the cold inside him dissipate and a ray of hope shining a bit brighter because maybe things were going to be okay after all.

"Let's go back to your room, now," Eijun helped him up after a while, "I'm sure tonight you'll be able to sleep, and tomorrow you'll call in sick so you can continue to."

"I can't, I'm the Captain," he tried to protest.

"You will, or I'll punch you so hard you'll get a broken rib or something," he reached for his hand and laced their fingers together.

"A rib? Why a rib?" he found himself laughing a bit. It was amazing what Eijun could do to him.

"Because your chest is larger than your face and I'm not very good at punching!" Eijun exclaimed and affectionately bumped into his shoulder.

"Idiot," he said and found he missed calling him names. He actually missed everything.

"Yours."

* * *

So this is it, the end. You don't know how much I enjoyed writing this fic, in particular this chapter. I actually love it, even if it's angsty and all. I hope you liked at least a little!

I want to thank everyone, this fic meant a lot to me. For years I wasn't able to write a single word, and then Daiya happened and here I am! And reading all your comments made me really happy. So thank you!

I want to write more, and maybe I'll write something else related to this, I don't know yet!

Thanks again guys!

Oh, and I'm kind of sorry for that last hint about Miyuki, but it was too good an opportunity to pass it.


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